Parenting Perspective 

When grandparents criticise a child’s appearance or habits, even if it is done lightly, it can leave deep emotional marks. Children are still in the process of forming their sense of identity and self-worth, so comments about their body, their looks, or their personal mannerisms often feel very personal and heavy. What may be intended as “advice” or “concern” can sound like rejection, leading the child to feel inadequate or embarrassed in front of others. 

Damage to Self-Esteem 

A child may begin to believe that they are unattractive, not good enough, or unworthy of acceptance. This can lower their self-confidence, making them more anxious in social settings and more hesitant to express themselves freely. 

Strained Family Bonds 

If this criticism happens repeatedly, the child may begin to avoid spending time with their grandparents or become defensive and withdrawn when they are around them. This can create an unnecessary distance, robbing the child of the warmth and comfort that these important family bonds are meant to bring. 

The Risk of Internalising Negative Labels 

Negative labels can be very sticky and hard for a child to remove from their own self-perception. 

• A child who is labelled as ‘lazy’ for their simple, childlike habits may start to believe that they will always be lazy. 

• Criticism about their body size, height, or facial features can lead to long-term body image struggles. 

Protecting the Child’s Dignity 

Parents can help to protect their child by gently addressing the issue with the grandparents in private, emphasising that such criticism often harms a child more than it helps. At the same time, parents should make a conscious effort to affirm their child’s strengths and unique qualities regularly, so that any negative comments they hear are not the loudest voice in the child’s heart. With empathy and firmness, families can work together to preserve a child’s dignity while still teaching them to value self-improvement without shame. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a great deal of importance on protecting others from harm, and this includes the harm that can be caused by our words. Criticism that embarrasses or belittles a child goes directly against the prophetic model of offering gentle guidance and showing compassion. 

Guarding Against Hurtful Words 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This verse reminds us that mocking or belittling others is forbidden, and that our precious children are no exception to this divine command. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also taught that our speech should always be a source of good. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Gentle Example 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 48, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who believes in Allah and the Last Day must speak good or remain silent.’ 

This teaches us that our words should always seek to uplift others, never to wound them, and that a dignified silence is always better than harmful criticism. 

When grandparents are able to replace their criticism with words of encouragement, they are mirroring the beautiful, prophetic example of mercy. This not only strengthens the child’s confidence but also deepens the love between the generations. A child who is raised with kindness learns to see themselves as valued and capable, and will ultimately grow into an adult who embodies both dignity and compassion.