Parenting Perspective 

Children have a natural tendency to compare themselves to their peers, and cousins are often the closest and most frequent point of reference. When their cousins are allowed freedoms that your own child is not, it can easily stir up feelings of confusion and frustration. The child may start to question whether their parents are being unfair, or why the rules in their home are different. This can lead to feelings of jealousy, self-doubt, or even resentment towards both their parents and their cousins. 

Comparison and a Sense of Unfairness 

A child may naturally think, “Why are they allowed to do it and I am not?” This sense of unfairness can be magnified if the difference in rules is very visible during family gatherings. This might include cousins who are allowed to stay up later, have access to devices at an earlier age, or enjoy certain outings without the same restrictions. 

The Risk of Damaged Trust 

If parents do not explain the reasoning behind their family’s boundaries, a child might begin to assume that their parents are simply being stricter without a good cause. This perception can damage the trust between you and make your child feel less understood or respected. Over time, they might either begin to rebel against the rules or withdraw emotionally. 

Emotional Pressure During Family Gatherings 

When rules differ significantly between families, a child may experience a number of emotional pressures. 

• A child may feel embarrassed or ‘less grown-up’ in front of their cousins. 

• They might struggle with divided loyalties, wanting to join in with their cousins while also fearing their parents’ disapproval. 

• This internal conflict can turn family visits, which should be a source of joy, into a source of stress and anxiety. 

Helping Your Child to Understand 

Parents can help to ease this confusion by calmly explaining that each family sets its own rules based on their unique values and responsibilities. Using simple but firm language can help your child to realise that different homes have different standards, and that your decisions as their parents are always made with love and their best interests at heart. It is also important to acknowledge your child’s feelings of frustration without giving in to pressure, which shows empathy while maintaining firm boundaries. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam reminds us that each family and each individual will be accountable before Allah Almighty for the specific trusts (amanah) that have been given to them. Parents are tasked with the duty of guiding their own children in a way that they believe is pleasing to Allah, even if it looks different from what others may allow. 

Individual Responsibility Before Allah Almighty 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verses 164: 

‘…And no soul shall reap anything except what they (have committed) onto themselves; and no one shall become the bearer of any responsibility, in (carrying) the burden of others…’ 

This verse reminds us that each household will have to answer for its own choices on the Day of Judgement. The freedoms that cousins may be permitted do not lessen the responsibility that a parent carries for their own children. 

Parents as Protectors of Guidance 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 893, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects. A ruler is a guardian of his subjects, a man is a guardian of his family, a woman is a guardian of her husband’s home and of his children; so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects.’ 

This teaches us that parents must hold firm to their role as guardians, making decisions that are in line with their faith and values rather than making choices based on comparison with others. 

By linking your family’s rules back to your Islamic values, you can teach your child that your boundaries are a form of protection and love, not a form of deprivation. Over time, your child can learn to value consistency and faith-based decision-making, which will help to build their resilience against peer pressure while also allowing them to appreciate their family bonds.