Parenting Perspective 

Unhealed traumas from our own childhoods, whether they stem from neglect, harsh discipline, or a lack of affection, will often resurface when we become parents ourselves. Without even noticing, we may find ourselves repeating old patterns or overreacting to small triggers in our children. Protecting your child from this begins with the difficult but necessary work of processing your own pain, so that you can begin to respond to them with clarity, rather than with a reflex. This journey requires awareness, healing practices, and a commitment to intentional change. 

Acknowledge Your Past Without Denial 

You can say to yourself, ‘What I went through as a child was painful, and it has affected me. But I have a choice now not to pass this pain forward.’ This kind of honest acknowledgement is what breaks the silence in which trauma so often thrives. 

Seek Safe Outlets for Your Emotions 

The process of healing from trauma requires a safe release. This might involve journaling, talking with a trusted spouse or counsellor, or even joining a support group. These outlets can help you to untangle your difficult emotions before they have a chance to spill into your parenting. 

Practise Pausing and Reflecting 

When you feel yourself being triggered by your child’s behaviour, it is a powerful practice to pause. In that moment of pause, you can ask yourself, ‘Am I reacting to my child in this present moment, or am I reacting to something from my own past?’ This simple step can create enough space for you to choose a gentler response. 

Learn to Reparent Yourself 

You can begin to give yourself the things that you may have missed out on as a child, whether that is self-compassion, patience, or simple encouragement. When you start to fill those gaps for yourself, you will no longer be unconsciously demanding that your child heals your old wounds for you. 

Replace Inherited Habits with Gentle Choices 

You can create new, intentional scripts for yourself. For example, instead of shouting, you can commit to explaining things calmly. Instead of shutting down emotionally, you can choose to engage. Every one of these conscious choices helps to break the chain of trauma. 

The process of healing trauma is often ongoing, but every single step you take helps to ensure that your child grows up surrounded by love, rather than by inherited pain. 

Spiritual Insight 

Turning Struggles into a Source of Reward 

Islam teaches us that our struggles can become a source of immense reward if they are handled with patience and a commitment to growth. The act of healing your past is not just a form of self-care; it is an act of worship that helps you to protect the sacred trust (amanah) of raising your child. 

Patience Through Divinely Ordained Trials 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…’ 

This verse can serve as a powerful reminder that while your past traumas may have felt heavy, Allah has also given you the strength to rise above them and to heal. 

Finding Mercy and Healing Through Faith 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2699, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever relieves a believer of a burden from the burdens of this world, Allah will relieve him of a burden from the burdens of the Day of Resurrection.’ 

This hadith teaches us that by making the effort to relieve your own child of the inherited burden of your trauma, you are in fact earning a great relief for yourself from Allah. By processing your own past with patience, prayer, and intentional effort, you can break harmful cycles and transform your pain into wisdom. Your child can then grow up in a