How can I teach my child to tell their friends when they feel uncomfortable? 

Parenting Perspective 

Teach Them They Have a Right to Speak Up 

Many children struggle to tell their friends when something makes them feel uncomfortable. They may fear being laughed at, losing the friendship, or being seen as rude. This can lead to bottled-up worries and resentment. Start by helping your child to understand that a good friend will respect how they feel. Explain that they have a right to say, ‘This does not feel okay for me,’ even if it feels awkward at first. Practise short, simple phrases together. Use gentle role-play with toys, puppets, or real-life examples to show what they could say. For example, ‘I feel uncomfortable when you call me that name. Please stop,’ or ‘I do not like it when you touch my bag without asking.’

Trust Their Instincts and Find the Right Words 

Encourage your child to trust their gut feelings. If something feels wrong, they do not have to stay silent just to keep the peace. Remind them that they can always come to you if they are unsure. Make sure you listen without immediately jumping in to criticise their friends. Sometimes children just need help finding the right words. Give them practical ideas, like telling their friend later when things are calm, or writing it down if saying it face-to-face feels too hard. Remind them that it is okay to walk away if a friend does not listen. You can also share stories where characters stand up for themselves kindly. Praise your child whenever they speak up, even if the words come out imperfectly. These small steps build their confidence and teach them that setting respectful boundaries does not make them a bad friend; it makes them a strong and honest one. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that protecting our hearts and dignity is part of the trust Allah Almighty has placed within us. Speaking up about what feels wrong, in a gentle way, keeps friendships honest and protects our self-respect. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzaab (33), Verse 70: 

‘O those of you, who are believers, seek piety from Allah (Almighty) and always speak with words of blatant accuracy. ‘

This beautiful Ayah reminds us that our words should be truthful and fair; never harsh or rude, but never silent when we need to speak the truth. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective. ‘

This Hadith shows us that when our children speak up with kindness, they add beauty to their friendships. You can teach your child to make a simple Dua before a difficult conversation with a friend, such as, ‘Ya Allah, help me say what is true with gentle words.’ Over time, your child will learn that being honest about what feels uncomfortable does not break friendships that are good for them. Instead, it brings them closer to friends who truly care and keeps their heart safe in a way that pleases Allah Almighty.