How do I help siblings tell each other when they feel hurt or left out? 

Parenting Perspective 

Naming Feelings and Using Role-Play 

When siblings feel hurt or left out, they often hold these feelings inside or express them through shouting and sulking. Teaching children to speak kindly about hurt feelings takes time and gentle practice. The first step is helping them to name what they feel. Younger children learn best through examples they can see and repeat. Use toys, role-play, or simple stories to show how one character says, ‘I felt sad when you did not play with me,’ instead of hitting or ignoring them. Practise short phrases together like, ‘I felt left out when you did not share,’ or, ‘It hurt my feelings when you called me that name.’ The more they hear these words spoken calmly, the easier it becomes for them to try them for real. 

Guiding Conversations During Conflict 

When conflicts happen, do not jump in to solve everything for them. Sit with them and guide each child to take a turn speaking while the other listens. Remind them to speak about their own feelings without blaming. You could say, ‘Use an “I feel” sentence, then stop and listen to your brother.’ Children need to see that talking about hurt feelings does not lead to more shouting but helps everyone to feel better. If your child struggles, gently help them find the right words. Praise any small effort, even if they get it only half right. Over time, your steady support teaches them that it is both brave and kind to say when something has hurt them. This habit becomes part of how they look after each other’s hearts as they grow. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, we are reminded repeatedly of the value of family ties and the blessing of soft words that heal wounds. Siblings are a mercy from Allah Almighty and helping them to mend small hurts builds a stronger bond. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy. ‘

Although this verse speaks to the wider Muslim family, it reminds us that even in our homes, we should help our children settle small disputes with care. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective.‘

When you teach your children to speak up about hurt feelings with kindness, you help them grow in gentleness and honesty. This is beloved to Allah Almighty. You can even encourage them to say a small Dua when they feel hurt by each other, such as, ‘Ya Allah, help me say my feelings kindly.’ These small seeds of truth and care can grow into lifelong respect and closeness between siblings, keeping their hearts connected in mercy.