How to Model Calm When Your Son Copies Your Temper 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often mirror the emotional habits they see most frequently at home. When your son copies your temper, it is not a sign that he is destined to be angry, but that he is learning from what you model. This is why your own growth, even if imperfect, becomes a powerful lesson. 

Practise Pausing 

The first step is awareness. Noticing that your child reflects your temper is already progress, because it gives you the chance to act with more intention. When you feel anger rising, practise pausing. That pause may be as simple as taking one deep breath before you speak, or stepping aside for a brief moment if the situation allows. Even small delays can show your son that strong feelings do not need to erupt immediately into harsh words or actions. 

Narrate Your Efforts Out Loud 

Secondly, narrate your efforts out loud. You might say, ‘I am upset right now, so I am going to take a breath before I answer.’ This does not only help you calm down, but it also teaches your child what self-regulation looks like. Children benefit from seeing parents practise what they are still learning, rather than pretending to be perfect. 

Repair the Moment 

Thirdly, when you do lose your temper, repair the moment. Apologise sincerely, without excuses, and explain how you want to do better. Far from making you weak in your child’s eyes, this strengthens trust and shows him that taking responsibility is part of being strong. 

By approaching your own struggles with honesty, patience, and steady effort, you teach your son that emotions can be managed with dignity and discipline. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam recognises that controlling anger is one of the greatest signs of strength. The individual having the strength of controlling his anger is a strong man as anger is an expression of negative emotion and it is not promoted in Islam.  

A Reminder That Allah Loves Those Who Restrain Anger 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), verses 133–134: 

‘And compete to seek forgiveness from your Sustainer, and to the Gardens (of Paradise) the width of which (is equivalent to) the layers of trans-universal existence and the Earth; prepared for those who have attained piety. Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This Verse shows that restraining anger is not only a personal achievement, but a quality that brings a believer closer to Allah’s love and mercy. Your efforts, even when imperfect, are acts of worship that benefit both you and your child. 

The Prophetic Model: Strength is Self-Mastery 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who wrestles well, but the strong man is the one who controls himself when he is in a fit of rage.’ 

[Sahih Muslim,45:140] 

This hadith redefines strength as mastery over the self. By modelling efforts to calm your temper, you show your son that true power lies in self-control, not in raising one’s voice. 

In practising patience and seeking forgiveness when you slip, you give your son a living example of resilience and humility. This balance of effort and sincerity allows him to learn not only how to manage anger, but how to approach his own shortcomings with responsibility and hope.