How to Regulate Yourself Before Reacting Harshly 

Parenting Perspective 

Feeling overstimulated by noise and mess is not a character flaw, it is a nervous system response. A parent might be functioning on limited rest, constant decision-making, and very little personal space. In that state, even small disruptions can feel amplified. But when those reactions start affecting how a child experiences you, it becomes essential to create a pause, not just to protect them, but to preserve your connection with them. 

Build in Cues for Regulation 

The first step is not to force calm, but to build in cues for regulation. Choose one small, consistent anchor: deepening your breath before entering the living room, saying a quiet dhikr while tidying, or stepping outside for a few seconds of reset. Children do not need perfection, but they feel safe when they sense your effort to remain kind even when things feel loud or messy. 

Say What is Happening 

Next, say what is happening, not in anger, but in clarity. You might say, ‘There is a lot going on around me and I feel my body getting tense. I am going to sit quietly for two minutes.’ This not only helps your own self-awareness, but models self-regulation for your child. Over time, they internalise that emotions are manageable and that adults can struggle without becoming unsafe. 

Your sensitivity to stimulation is not a failure but it is a signal. What matters most is how you respond to that signal, and whether that response preserves your child’s sense of security. 

Spiritual Insight 

According to Islamic teachings, every moment of restraint has spiritual weight. When chaos triggers irritation, it is not your patience that has failed, it is your capacity that has been stretched. Yet in those very moments, a higher form of strength becomes possible. 

A Reminder That Allah Loves Those Who Restrain Anger 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), verse 134: 

‘…They suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This Verse honours the one who feels anger yet holds back its force. That is what you are striving for, not to never feel irritated, but to create spaciousness between that feeling and your reaction. 

The Prophetic Model: True Strength is Quiet Restraint 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong is not the one who overcomes others by his strength, but the one who controls himself while in anger.‘

[Sahih al-Bukhari, 78:141] 

This strength is not loud but it is quiet, internal, and deeply intentional. Your choice to pause, to wait before you react, becomes a form of worship. And your child, even without understanding all the words, begins to feel that your discipline is born from care, not control. That is what leaves a mark on their heart.