How to Teach Accountability When You Never Received It 

Parenting Perspective 

This is the critical phase where you must choose between something you wanted and never had, and something you want to provide to your child. This gap occurs, and the recognition of it is the growth of an individual. When a parent begins to break generational patterns, the effort often feels heavy because you are working without a model; you are building something you never received. 

Model Accountability Yourself 

Teaching accountability to your child begins with modelling it yourself, but that does not mean perfection. It means being able to accept your mistakes and acknowledge it in front of your child by admitting that ‘I should not have spoken that way,’ or ‘I missed something important there, and I am sorry.’ Even if your voice shakes the first time, your child is watching something powerful: a parent who takes responsibility without collapsing into shame. 

Sit with the Grief 

To do this well, you will need to learn how to sit with the grief of what you did not get. That grief is valid. But it does not need to direct your parenting. When your child sees that you can be firm without being harsh, or apologise without losing authority, they learn that strength and humility can live in the same body. 

Tending to Your Own Healing 

Some days, this will feel contradictory, especially when the child in you still wants a repair. That is why tending to your own healing is part of parenting, not separate from it. The more you honour what was missing, the more clearly you will be able to offer it forward. Not to fix the past, but to build a future less burdened by it. 

Spiritual Insight 

Accountability is not just a moral value; it is a spiritual principle deeply rooted in our Deen. 

A Reminder That Every Deed Matters 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zalzalah (99), verses 7–8: 

‘Thus, everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is good shall be observed by them (on the Day of judgement). And everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is wicked shall be observed by them (on the Day of judgement).’ 

This verse reinforces the absolute justice of Allah and the individual responsibility each person holds. No deed is too small to matter, and none is overlooked. 

The Prophetic Model: You Are a Shepherd 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every one of you is a shepherd and everyone is answerable with regard to his flock. ‘

[Sahih Muslim, 33:24] 

This Hadith reminds a parent that their role comes with spiritual responsibility, not only for provision and protection, but for moral and emotional modelling. 

You may not have been shown accountability in your upbringing, but Islam gives you a framework richer and more rooted than any inherited silence. With every small act of honesty and repair, you teach your child that dignity is not lost in admitting wrong. It is, in fact, found there.