I often make jokes at my spouse’s expense. Could our child be absorbing mockery as a form of affection? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, if jokes made at your spouse’s expense are a regular feature of your communication, your child may begin to associate mockery with affection, believing that teasing or belittling are acceptable ways to show closeness. Children are constant students of their parents’ relationship. While mutual, light-hearted teasing balanced with consistent warmth may be harmless, a problem arises when the humour becomes one-sided ridicule or a habitual way of interacting. In that case, a child can absorb an unhealthy emotional model: that love includes putting people down, or that being the target of jokes is a normal part of a close relationship. This can eventually impact how your child treats their peers and what they are willing to accept from others. 

What to consider about your child’s emotional learning 

Ask yourself some honest questions: Does my spouse genuinely laugh, or do they go quiet? Do I check in with them afterwards? If the answer to these questions reveals a pattern of careless humour, it may be time for a reset. Children need to see that humour is something that builds connection, not something that chips away at dignity. You can model this by joking with each other, not at each other. If your child witnesses a joke that crosses the line, it is powerful to acknowledge it openly: “I realise what I said might have been unkind, and jokes should never hurt someone’s feelings. I will try to be more thoughtful.” This simple act can reframe their entire understanding of what loving communication should sound like. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, every word, even those spoken in jest, carries weight. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was known for his gentle and warm sense of humour, but he never once used it to mock, insult, or erode another person’s dignity. His humour was designed to uplift hearts, never at their expense. If we wish to raise children who speak with kindness and see love as a safe space, we must strive to mirror this prophetic example of respectful speech, even in our lightest moments. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them… ‘

This powerful verse serves as a direct reminder that mockery, even when it seems subtle or playful, can wound people in ways we do not always notice, especially within our closest relationships. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 47, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand others are safe. ‘

This safety includes emotional safety. When your words, even your jokes, are consistently gentle, thoughtful, and sincere, your child learns that love is never a license to be cruel. So yes, regular mockery can certainly mislead a child’s understanding of affection. However, with sincere intention and reflection, you can instead model a love that both laughs and honours. You can show them a humour that is not a weapon, but a form of mercy. That is the love the Prophet ﷺ taught, and it is the love that every child deserves to learn.