After we fight, my child starts acting out in school or daycare. Could this be delayed emotional insecurity? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, absolutely. When a child begins to act out at school or daycare following a conflict at home, it is often a sign of delayed emotional insecurity. Children do not always react to tension in the moment, especially if they lack the words to express how they are feeling. Instead, the emotional impact may surface later, often in an environment where they feel safe enough to release their bottled-up anxiety. Behavioural changes like defiance, clinginess, or a sudden difficulty concentrating should not be seen as random misbehaviours, but as emotional signals. Your child is likely processing the instability they sensed, wondering if their world is still safe, or feeling torn between the two people they love most. When a child’s internal world is unsettled, it frequently spills out into other areas of their life, particularly if the conflict at home was not followed by a clear and visible repair. 

Helping your child feel safe again, at home and beyond 

The most powerful antidote in this situation is not more discipline, but deeper reconnection. You can begin by gently opening a door for them to share, without prying: “I have noticed you seem a little unsettled lately. I just want you to know I am here if you ever want to talk.” Afterwards, without directly linking their behaviour to the fight, focus on rebuilding daily stability. Stick to familiar routines, be fully present with them, and most importantly, model consistent warmth and kindness with your spouse. Allow your child to see and feel that the tension has truly passed. If necessary, you can also speak with their teacher to make sure they are supported with gentleness. Emotional safety is not restored by explanations; it is rebuilt through quiet, sustained, and observable trust. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, emotional care is not a luxury; it is a fundamental part of our amanah (trust) and tarbiyah (nurturing). The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was exquisitely attuned to the emotional needs of others, especially children. He taught us that when someone is hurting, even silently, our response must be one of tenderness, not frustration. If your child’s behaviour is a delayed reaction to your conflict, it should not be viewed as rebellion. It should be seen as their heart quietly asking: “Am I still safe? Are you both okay? Is my world still steady?” 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 71: 

‘And the believing men and the believing women, some of them are role models for each other… ‘

This verse is a beautiful reminder that unity, support, and emotional alliance are not just duties within a marriage, but are obligations for the entire family. When parents act as true allies to one another, a child’s inner world cannot help but reflect that peace. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6125, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make them difficult. Give glad tidings and do not cause aversion. ‘

This prophetic principle applies profoundly to parenting. In moments of insecurity, our role is to offer our children ease, not more pressure, and to give them glad tidings of safety, not reasons for fear. By responding to your child’s behaviour with gentleness and a renewed sense of presence, you are doing more than just calming them; you are healing their heart. In making that effort, you walk the path of the Prophets: soft in moments of conflict, strong in the act of repair, and always led by mercy.