We had a death in the family, and we both collapsed emotionally. How do we hold space for our grief while modelling resilience for our child? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Child’s Experience of Parental Grief 

You do not have to hide your pain to be strong for your child. What children most need in times of grief are emotionally honest parents, not flawless ones. When both parents experience emotional breakdowns, the entire family can feel disoriented. Children feel the heaviness, but without explanation or visible processing, it can be terrifying or puzzling. 

Modelling Resilience Through Honesty 

The idea is not to hide your pain, but to explain it in a way that your child can understand: “We are really sorry because we loved them passionately. Feeling this way is a sign of love.” Resilience does not imply carrying on as if nothing occurred. It involves demonstrating that we can bend without breaking. Allow your child to witness tiny acts of healing, such as praying together, exchanging tales about the deceased, and maintaining small routines even when they are tough. These behaviours teach children that grief may be felt without being hidden, and that life does not have to be flawless in order to be secure. If necessary, take turns being emotionally available – if one of you feels overwhelmed, the other can provide more verbal reassurance. Grieving does not mean you have failed your child. You are helping them through one of life’s most difficult lessons: how to carry love and sorrow at the same time. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, Allah Almighty is always aware of a child’s death, even before birth. Such a moment is documented, seen, and commemorated. Grief is not a diversion, but a holy test. When partners assist each other gently throughout these difficult times, they leave a compassionate legacy for their children to inherit. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 156: 

‘…They say Indeed, we (came) from Allah (Almighty) and indeed, we will return to Him.’ 

This verse is not just spoken; it is intended to anchor the heart. It serves as a reminder to both adults and children that grieving is a natural part of life’s sacred cycle. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 923a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ wept when his son passed away, saying: 

‘The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord. ‘

Allow your children to witness this balance: the pain of loss in one hand, the words of surrender and dignity in the other. This is the heart of prophetic resilience: not appearing to be unaffected, but navigating loss with kindness, mercy, and steadfast faith in Allah.