We express love privately, but our child never sees it. Is it important that they witness it, or is privacy enough? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Risk of Emotional Gaps 

While privacy is important in any marriage, when it comes to emotional modelling, complete privacy can unintentionally create emotional gaps for a child. If all compassion, humour, and emotional connection between parents occurs behind closed doors, a child may have a limited or even erroneous understanding of what a meaningful relationship entails. Children do not need to witness intimate or too emotional scenes. However, children must see and feel the existence of love, rather than only hearing about it. A home where affection is never seen may feel emotionally bland, even if the marriage is stable. 

The Importance of Visible Warmth 

Children may grow up believing that love is supposed to be hidden, silent, or formal, especially if they do not see their parents expressing gratitude, warmth, or delight in one other’s presence. This does not imply that you must become too demonstrative if it feels unnatural. However, it does imply allowing modest expressions of affection to become visible and felt. A kind giggle over tea, a nice word whispered in passing, or a warm glance exchanged at dinner, these simple acts establish monuments on a child’s emotional map of relationships. If your child never sees these things, they may carry unspoken questions such, “Do my parents even like each other?” or “Is marriage just about tasks and responsibilities?” When love is kept fully secret, children are left to fill in the gaps , which they frequently do with concern or emotional detachment. Allowing some tenderness to be seen is not a loss of humility; it is an expression of emotional literacy. You are teaching your child that love is more than just present; it is also secure, visible, and permanent. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam does not call us to perform love, but rather to embody it through kindness and presence. Emotional connection in a marriage is not intended to be so deeply veiled that the child cannot experience it. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 74: 

‘And those people that say: O our Sustainer, Grant to us (those circumstances that) makes our spouses and our offspring, a comfort for our eyes…’ 

This prayer expresses a desire for a household that emanates serenity and love, not only for the couple, but also for future generations who will observe and learn. The comfort of the eyes includes emotional visibility. It is also recorded in Sunan an-Nasa’i, Hadith 1595, that Aisha (RA) said: 

‘I remember the the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ covering me with his Rida’ while I was watching the Ethiopians playing in the masjid, until I got bored. So you should understand the keenness of young girls to play. ‘

the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ ability to convey affection subtly, even quickly and modestly, demonstrated that love is not something to hide so thoroughly that others, particularly children, fail to notice it. Allowing your child to observe moments of apparent warmth and kindness between you and your spouse does not violate your privacy. You are performing your responsibility as an example of emotional integrity , and providing your child with a vision of marriage that is not just functional, but also full of compassionate humanity.