One of us pushes Deen strongly, while the other stays quiet. Could this imbalance affect our child’s long-term relationship with Islam? 

Parenting Perspective 

When parents have different styles of expressing their faith, a child can become confused, associating the Deen with one parent’s personality rather than seeing it as a shared family value. The goal is not to force both parents to be the same, but to create a sense of unity that honours both their approaches.

 

Develop a Shared Vision for Your Home 

Begin by having a private conversation about the core Islamic values you both want to nurture in your child. Focus on your shared goals, such as raising a child who is kind, honest, and connected to Allah. This creates a foundation of unity, even if your methods of teaching differ. 

Encourage the Quieter Parent’s Unique Contribution 

A person’s faith is not always expressed through words. The quieter parent can be a powerful role model through their actions. Encourage them to lead in ways that feel natural to them, whether it is by initiating a family charity project, consistently modelling beautiful manners, or leading a quiet dua before bed. This shows the child that faith is lived, not just spoken. 

Agree on Simple, Shared Rituals 

Establish a few small spiritual practices that you can consistently do as a team. This could be as simple as sharing one thing you are grateful to Allah for at dinner or listening to a short Quran recitation in the car together. These shared rituals create a sense of spiritual togetherness and reinforce that the Deen is central to your family identity. 

Acknowledge All Forms of Spiritual Effort 

The more vocal parent should make a point of positively acknowledging the quieter parent’s contributions in front of the child. A simple comment like, ‘Baba’s calm character is a beautiful example of patience, which is so loved by Allah,’ teaches the child to recognise and value different expressions of faith. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that sincerity of the heart is more important than outward displays and that the most beloved deeds are those that are done consistently, regardless of their style. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujurat (49), Verse 13: 

‘O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you…‘ 

This verse reminds us that true honour with Allah comes from taqwa (righteousness and God-consciousness), not from a particular personality type. A parent who is quiet but sincere in their heart can be just as righteous as one who is more outspoken. This helps a child appreciate that piety has many forms. 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ valued consistency over grand, sporadic displays. 

It is recorded in Sunan An Nasai, 762, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Take up good deeds only as much as you are able, for the best deeds are those done regularly, even if they are few.‘ 

This hadith validates the quiet but consistent parent. Their steady, gentle habits and good character are deeply beloved to Allah. When this is valued within the home, a child learns that a strong relationship with the Deen is built on consistent, sincere effort, not on who is the loudest.