What is a discreet way to ask ‘are you okay’ in public without embarrassment? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children sometimes feel overwhelmed at gatherings, school events, or even in the masjid, but they may not want public attention. Asking “Are you okay?” out loud can make them shrink further. The solution is to develop a discreet way of checking in, one that preserves their dignity while still giving them the chance to express themselves. 

Use a Pre-Agreed Signal 

Beforehand, agree on a subtle sign, such as: 

• Lightly squeezing their hand twice to mean “Are you okay?” 

• A small nod or tilt of the head toward them. 

• Placing your hand gently on their shoulder for reassurance. 

Provide Response Options 

Give your child a non-verbal way to reply. For example: 

• A nod for “Yes, I am fine.” 

• A squeeze back or brief shake of the head for “I need help.” 

Keep It Low-Key 

Do not hover or stare, as this can feel exposing. A short gesture, then moving on, shows respect for their space while still making support available. 

Follow Up Privately 

If the child signals they are not okay, respond quietly; step aside with them, or wait until a private moment to ask further. This balances protection with privacy. 

These discreet methods make children feel both safe and respected, knowing they can lean on you without being put on display. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages believers to look out for one another with gentleness and subtlety, especially when protecting dignity. Parents can apply this prophetic wisdom by caring for children in ways that shield them from embarrassment. 

Guidance from the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 12: 

‘…And do not spy (on each other) and do not let some of you backbite against others; would one of you like to eat the meat of his mortally expired brother? Not at all – you would find it repulsive…’ 

This reminds us of the importance of respecting privacy and dignity in all interactions. 

Teaching from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6951, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The Muslim is the brother of another Muslim. He should neither oppress him nor hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfils the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfil his needs.’ 

This teaches us that caring for others, even with subtle gestures, is part of fulfilling our duty of mercy. 

By creating a discreet way to ask “Are you okay?” you protect your child’s dignity while still offering comfort. They learn that love can be protective without being exposing, and that Islam values mercy delivered with sensitivity.