Parenting Perspective 

It is perfectly natural for parents to desire an occasional meal alone, yet it can be difficult to do so without feeling guilty. Children often see every meal as a shared family event, so they may resist or feel left out when parents wish to eat privately. The solution lies in setting a boundary that honours family togetherness while also protecting time for the couple. 

Establish a Predictable Rhythm 

Establish a clear and predictable routine so that the ‘couple’s meal’ becomes an expected part of the week. For example, you could explain, ‘We eat together as a family on most evenings, but two nights a week, Mum and Dad have their special dinner’. When it becomes a predictable family rhythm, children learn to accept it as part of normal life rather than as a personal rejection. 

Frame the Boundary with Positivity 

Instead of framing the boundary around exclusion, such as saying, ‘You cannot join us’, present it as a positive and special occasion for everyone. You can describe it as, ‘This is our special couple dinner, and you will have your own special routine too’. This can be paired with something pleasant for them, like a lighter meal served earlier, followed by a favourite book or the chance to choose a bedtime story. This approach creates a positive and special routine for them, shifting the focus from what they are missing to what they are gaining. 

Reassure with Connection Before and After 

It is important to spend quality time with your children both before and after your private meal. Sharing a small family supper or snack beforehand can reassure them that food and love are still abundant. Afterwards, be sure to reconnect with warmth, reminding them that your private meal is one way you keep your marriage strong, which in turn makes the whole family happier and more secure. 

By establishing a predictable and positive boundary, and consistently following through with warmth, you can eliminate guilt and help your children appreciate that caring for your marriage is an essential part of caring for the family. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam acknowledges the need to balance duties towards the family with the importance of nurturing the marital bond. Protecting occasional meals for spouses is not an act of neglect, but a means of strengthening the very foundation upon which a child’s security rests. 

The Marital Bond as a Garment 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 187: 

‘…As they are a veil (source of restraint from immorality) for you and you are a veil for them…’ 

This beautiful metaphor reminds us that spouses provide covering, comfort, and support for one another. Nurturing this unique bond requires intentional time spent together. 

The Importance of Protecting Marriage 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 3280, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most lawful of all things Allah has permitted is divorce, but it is the most hated by Allah.’ 

This stark reminder highlights the immense importance of protecting a marriage. Simple, dedicated moments, such as a shared meal, are practical ways to preserve affection and prevent the emotional distance that can lead to serious discord. 

When children see their parents respectfully safeguarding time for one another, they learn that strong families are built upon healthy marriages. The boundary of keeping some meals private is therefore not selfish, but an act of mercy that sustains the love and stability children depend on.