We apologised to our child, but they still bring up the fight weeks later. How long can emotional effects linger? 

Parenting Perspective 

The emotional effects of conflict can linger far longer in children than we often expect. Even after you have offered a sincere apology, a child might continue to bring up a fight weeks later. This is typically not because they are holding a grudge, but because they are still processing what they witnessed and how it made them feel. For a young mind, a significant parental conflict can feel like a tear in their emotional safety net. They may still be carrying fragments of fear or confusion, which can resurface in their questions or behaviour. This is not a sign that your apology was inadequate; it is a sign that your child is revisiting the memory in an attempt to fully make sense of it. 

How to respond when the memory resurfaces 

When your child brings the memory up again, resist the urge to say, “But we already talked about this.” Instead, meet their concern with fresh, calm reassurance: “Yes, I remember that. It was a difficult moment, was it not? I am glad you can talk to me about it. Things are much better now, and you are always safe.” Allow them to revisit the memory as many times as they need to, without making them feel guilty for it. Each patient response from you becomes another stitch in the emotional repair process. Over time, the dominant memory will not be of the fight itself, but of how gently and consistently you helped them feel safe again. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, emotional wounds are not to be rushed; they are to be tended to with sabr (patience), rahmah (mercy), and ihsan (excellence). The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never invalidated a person’s pain simply because it was in the past. He would listen and offer reassurance, meeting repeated fears with steady compassion. His example teaches us that healing takes time, and that true spiritual strength includes having the patience to make space for that process. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shua’raa (26), Verse 80: 

‘And when I fall ill, He (Allah Almighty) is the One Who restores me to health. ‘

Emotional wounds can be seen as a kind of inner illness. The healing for them, as the Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) described, comes from Allah, often through our own gentle and repetitive efforts, not through impatience or pressure. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1924, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be merciful on the earth, and you will be shown mercy from Who is above the heavens. ‘

This mercy includes having emotional patience, which is the willingness to hear the same worry more than once without responding with irritation or emotional distance. Therefore, while the emotional effects of conflict can certainly linger, they will fade in a healthy and secure way when met with consistent compassion. Your child’s repeated questions are not a sign of weakness on their part. They are an invitation for you to continue doing what matters most: rebuilding their trust, one calm and patient reply at a time.