What is a kind approach when school asks for donations and siblings compare? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a school asks for donations, it is common for children to compare what their own family gives to what others contribute. This can sometimes create tension or resentment between siblings, especially if the amounts differ. The key is to approach this situation with kindness and transparency, while teaching the value of charity and the importance of giving according to one’s own capacity. By framing donations as a personal act of worship and fostering an attitude of gratitude, you can help your children to develop a healthy perspective on generosity. 

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Acknowledge the School’s Need for Donations 

You can begin by discussing the importance of donations and why the family is choosing to contribute. This helps to set the expectation that giving is a personal and thoughtful choice, not a source of competition. You could say, ‘It is important for us to contribute where we can, but every family’s ability to give is different.’ 

Encourage Giving According to One’s Ability 

Explain to your children that any donation should be based on a person’s ability to give, not on an attempt to match what others are doing. This teaches them the true value of charity and helps them to understand that the act of giving itself is more important than the amount. This fosters a non-competitive mindset. 

Emphasise the Value of Generosity, Not the Amount 

Reinforce the idea that generosity is measured by the sincerity of one’s intention, not by the size of the donation. You can explain, ‘The amount of the donation is not as important as the spirit behind it. What truly matters is that we are helping others, and that we do so with a generous and sincere heart.’ This encourages a sense of humility, rather than comparison. 

Normalise Differences in Family Contributions 

Assure your siblings that it is perfectly normal for contributions between different families to differ. A simple statement like, ‘It is okay for donations to be different, depending on what each family can afford,’ can help a child to accept the natural differences in what each family is able to contribute. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, charity is a vital act of kindness and generosity, but the focus is always on the intention behind the giving, rather than on the amount given. Islam encourages us to give from within our means and to do so with a pure heart, without seeking to compare ourselves to others. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 267: 

‘O you who have believed, spend from the good things which you have earned… And know that Allah is Free of need and Praiseworthy…’ 

This verse reminds us that giving should come from a place of sincerity and that our wealth should not be a source of pride or comparison. By teaching a child to focus on the intention behind their donation, you can guide them to act in line with the beautiful Islamic principles of humility and integrity. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6464, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘…The most beloved of deeds to Allah are those that are most consistent, even if they are few…’ 

This hadith emphasises that the value of charity is found in the consistency and sincerity of the act, not necessarily in its monetary value. By focusing on regular, thoughtful contributions, you can help your children to internalise the true and beautiful essence of giving in Islam. 

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