How do I handle my child saying they ‘like’ someone in class? 

Parenting Perspective 

Hearing your child admit: “I like someone in my class,” can stir a mix of surprise and concern. This moment, handled with wisdom and grace, can become the fundamental foundation for how your child understands love, respect, and emotional boundaries throughout their life. 

At its core, “liking someone” is an early expression of admiration and attachment. It is not sinful in itself; it is a natural part of growing awareness and emotional curiosity. The crucial task is to gently shape that curiosity, rather than suppress it, so your child learns that feelings are not shameful, but must always be guided by strong values. 

Stay Calm and Listen First 

Avoid reacting with immediate shock or deflecting with humour. Laughing off the admission or delivering a harsh lecture too soon can prompt your child to hide future feelings. Instead, respond with calm interest: “That is interesting what is it that you like about them?” This simple question instantly transforms the potential conversation from secrecy to openness. By listening actively, you will discern whether this “liking” is innocent admiration, a result of peer pressure, or emotional dependency. If they feel safe telling you about their emotions, you maintain the privilege of shaping them. 

Separate Emotion from Action 

Explain that liking someone is simply a feeling; it is what we choose to do with that feeling that holds moral significance. Tell them: “It is perfectly okay to admire good qualities in someone. But Islam teaches us to manage our feelings wisely to protect ourselves and others by maintaining boundaries.” Help them see that liking someone does not necessitate flirting, messaging, or secrecy. 

The primary goal is to normalise the emotion while actively guarding the resulting behaviour. You are teaching emotional intelligence that is anchored firmly in faith. 

Discuss Boundaries Naturally 

Depending on the child’s age, explain what a healthy, respectful friendship looks like. For younger children, discuss kindness, respect, and group interactions. For teenagers, be more direct about modesty, communication, and avoiding private exchanges. 

Say: “It is natural to find someone interesting, but it is vitally important to protect your dignity. When you respect limits, you protect your heart from confusion and future regret.” Avoid long warnings about sin; focus instead on self-respect and honour. A positive frame leaves a deeper, more lasting mark than fear. 

Affirm the Feeling, Redirect the Focus 

Tell your child that caring for others is a positive part of being human. Then, guide them to channel that care into character-building rather than attachment. 

• Encourage acts of kindness for all classmates, not just one individual. 

• Discuss what makes a person truly admirable: faith, respect, honesty, and good manners. 

• Emphasise that real affection grows from sincerity and integrity, not attention or superficial appearances. 

If the feeling lingers, remind them that emotions are like waves they rise and fall. What matters is learning to ride them with wisdom, not drown in them. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam’s guidance on the heart teaches that affection itself is a gift from Allah Almighty, but it must be guarded. Ghadd al-Basar (lowering the gaze) is a profound spiritual practice that extends to protecting the heart from attachment that clouds moral clarity. 

Guarding the Heart in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah An Nur (24), Verse 30: 

‘Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their modesty. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is All-Aware of what they do…’ 

This verse helps children see that self-control is a fundamental form of dignity. It prevents their young heart from becoming prematurely consumed by attachments that are too heavy for them to carry at their stage of life. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Guidance on Youthful Desire 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 3207, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘O young people! Whoever among you can afford to marry, let him marry, for it helps lower the gaze and guard the modesty. And whoever cannot, let him fast, for fasting will be a shield for him.’ 

This Hadith acknowledges natural feelings but firmly directs them toward maturity and restraint. This teaching offers a timeless principle: emotions are not to be denied, but patiently managed until the right time and context can be provided. It teaches your child that desire is a part of human design, and that Allah Almighty has provided a noble path of discipline until it can be expressed rightly. 

When your child confides in you, treat their confidence as a trust (amanah). Your calm responses will build moral literacy they will learn that purity is not the absence of emotion, but the wisdom to honour it and refine it into compassion, loyalty, and respect.