How do I teach that kindness wins more hearts than fashion? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often notice peers or adults praising trendy clothes or gadgets and internalise the idea that looking stylish is what earns attention and approval. The emotional root of this belief is misplaced admiration. Children naturally want acceptance, and they may assume that attention given to fashion and possessions secures friendship. Parents must counter this by teaching that while style and trends are temporary, kindness, empathy, and good character leave lasting impressions and form deeper, more meaningful relationships. 

Highlighting Real Admiration 

An effective strategy is to help children observe where true respect comes from. Use concrete examples in their daily lives. Ask: “Why do your friends admire your teacher? Is it because of the clothes they wear, or because they care about their students and listen to them?” Discuss admired figures in the family or community, highlighting that their influence stemmed from integrity, patience, and generosity rather than appearance. By connecting admiration to behaviour, children learn to value qualities that endure rather than fleeting trends. 

Reframing Compliments 

Children notice compliments and praise, and parents must subtly redirect focus from superficial traits to character. When your child receives a compliment about clothing, balance it with acknowledgement of positive behaviour: “You do look nice in your new shirt, but what I loved even more was how you included your friend in the game today.” This approach teaches children that while appearance is noticed, it is their actions, empathy, and respect for others that truly define them. This teaches that character consistently carries more weight in social interactions than fashion. 

Micro-action: The Kindness Tracker 

Create practical, interactive routines that reinforce this lesson. For example, make a kindness tracker at home. Each time your child demonstrates kindness—helping a sibling, sharing a toy, or comforting a friend—mark it together and celebrate the action. This visible record of good deeds reinforces the idea that actions, not possessions, are memorable and valuable. You can also create a family “kindness jar,” where slips of paper describe moments of care or helpfulness, then read them together weekly. 

Spiritual Insight 

The noble Quran repeatedly emphasizes the primacy of good character over material or superficial attributes, showing that goodness transforms relationships. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Fussilat (41), Verse 34: 

“And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that which is better, and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity will become as though he was a devoted friend…” 

This verse highlights that consistent kindness and goodness can transform relationships and earn genuine respect far beyond appearances. 

The Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also emphasized the enduring value of beneficial character: 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1329, that the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“The most beloved of people to Allah are those who are most beneficial to people.” 

By linking respect and social approval to acts of kindness rather than clothing or material possessions, parents can guide children to seek admiration through generosity, empathy, and helpfulness. Children learn that while fashion trends fade, the impact of good deeds lasts a lifetime.