What steps can reduce shame about having less than others? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children frequently notice differences in possessions, and when their belongings are simpler or fewer than those of classmates, it can trigger feelings of embarrassment or inferiority. The emotional root of this reaction is fear of exclusion. Children worry that others will judge them or treat them differently because they have less, which can damage self-esteem. Parents must counter this by anchoring their children’s confidence in values, character, and faith, reframing simplicity as a source of dignity rather than deficiency. 

Validating Feelings, Rebuilding Confidence 

The essential first step is acknowledgment. Let your child know that their feelings are normal and understood. Say things like: “I know it feels hard when you see others with more or newer things.” Validating their emotions shows empathy and helps them feel safe. Next, reframe the situation: “Having less does not make you less. What matters is how we use what Allah has given us, and the choices we make with our hearts and actions.” This teaches children that their value is determined by their integrity, effort, and character, not by possessions. Encourage reflection on personal strengths, kindness, honesty, patience, to help replace shame with self-respect. 

Celebrating Usefulness and Care 

Children can learn to see the benefit in simplicity when parents emphasize practicality and gratitude. For example: “Your bag may be simple, but it carries everything you need and keeps your things safe.” This shifts the focus from comparison to appreciation of functionality. Encourage children to take pride in caring for what they have, whether it is their clothing, books, or toys. Emphasise that maintaining and valuing possessions, no matter how simple, is a sign of responsibility and respect for Allah’s blessings. 

Micro-action: Focusing on Achievement 

Introduce small daily or weekly practices that reinforce this mindset. For instance, encourage your child to share stories of what they accomplished with the items they own. Did they create a craft with a simple set of crayons? Did they organise their school bag efficiently? By focusing on achievements rather than quantity, children learn that creativity, resourcefulness, and effort matter far more than having more objects. These practices shift their perspective from shame to pride. 

Spiritual Insight 

The noble Quran reassures believers that Allah’s provision is distributed according to divine wisdom and that each person’s circumstances have purpose. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Az Zukhruf (43), Verse 32: 

“Do they distribute the mercy of your Lord? It is We who have apportioned among them their livelihood in the life of this world and have raised some of them above others in degrees that they may make use of one another for service…” 

This ayah highlights that differences in material provision are part of Allah’s divine plan and encourages children to see their situation as a means to cultivate gratitude and humility rather than shame. 

The Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also addressed this principle directly: 

It is recorded in Bulugh al-Maram, Hadith 2, that the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“Look at those who are lower than you and do not look at those who are above you, for it is the best way not to belittle the favours of Allah.” 

By teaching children to compare themselves to gratitude rather than envy, parents help them internalise contentment and perspective. They learn that having less is not a reflection of inadequacy but a chance to develop appreciation, resourcefulness, and resilience.