How do I make sure they do not equate love only with giving? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children quickly learn that giving can bring joy to others. Without gentle guidance, however, this can lead them to the fragile belief that love is transactional and must be earned through material offerings. It is our role as parents to broaden their understanding, showing them that true love is a state of the heart expressed in countless non-material ways. 

Broadening the Definition of Love 

Actively teach your child that love has many languages. You can say, ‘Giving gifts is one beautiful way to show love, but it is not the only way. Love is also in the time we spend together, the kind words we say, the care we show when someone is unwell, and the quiet prayers we make for each other’. This expands their emotional vocabulary, helping them recognise and value acts of service, presence, and respect as powerful expressions of affection. It is about teaching them that emotional generosity is often more meaningful than material generosity. 

Modelling Unconditional Affection 

Your child must experience a love that is not conditional on their actions. While it is important to praise them when they share, it is equally important to show affection spontaneously, in moments that involve no transaction at all. Offer a warm hug for no reason, listen attentively to their stories, or say, ‘I am so proud of you simply for who you are’. These gestures are vital because they reinforce a crucial truth: your child’s worth is inherent, not earned. They are loved for their being, not for their doing or their giving. This builds a foundation of emotional security from which they can give freely, not fearfully. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, love is a profound spiritual state that is defined by mercy, compassion, and the pursuit of peace. The relationship between believers, and between family members, is intended to be a source of tranquillity, not a transaction. The noble Quran and the teachings of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ consistently elevate these non-material qualities as the true essence of love. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Ar Rum (30), Verse 21: 

‘And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect…’ 

This beautiful verse reveals the divine blueprint for loving relationships. Allah Almighty identifies the core components of love not as wealth or gifts, but as mawaddah (deep affection) and rahmah (mercy). These are qualities of the heart that lead to sakinah (tranquillity and peace). You can explain to your child that the truest measure of love, according to our Creator, is not what we can give to someone, but how gently we treat them and how much peace they feel in our presence. 

The teachings of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ further cement the idea that love is built upon good character and sincere actions, not material exchange. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 68, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘By Him in Whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you of something which, if you do it, you will love one another? Spread the greeting of peace (salam) among yourselves.’ 

This profound hadith links the very essence of faith (iman) to the presence of mutual love. When asked how to cultivate this love, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ did not advise exchanging gifts or wealth. Instead, he prescribed a simple, non-material action: spreading peace. This teaches a powerful lesson that the foundations of a loving community are built on good manners, respect, and creating an atmosphere of safety and goodwill.