What harm occurs when children connect self-worth only to material gains? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child begins to equate their personal value with their possessions, their achievements, or their social status, they are placing their sense of self on a very fragile foundation. This way of thinking often emerges during the transition into secondary school, when peer comparisons can intensify, and the material symbols of ‘success’—such as phones, clothes, grades, or even popularity—are elevated within their social circles. A parent must be able to recognise the risks of this mindset and to actively intervene before it begins to shape their child’s character. 

Emotional Instability and a Shallow Identity 

If a child believes that their worth lies only in their material gains, their sense of self can become dangerously unstable. A single broken gadget, one missed grade, or one lost opportunity can cause them to spiral into feelings of inadequacy. They learn to measure themselves by external markers, rather than by their intrinsic qualities, such as their kindness, their honesty, or their perseverance. Over time, this can weaken their inner resilience, leaving them vulnerable to feelings of shame and despair whenever their worldly circumstances falter. 

The Strain on Relationships 

A material-driven sense of self-worth can often serve to isolate a child. They may either begin to look down on their peers who have less than them, or feel a constant sense of envy towards those who have more. Both of these attitudes will breed a sense of disconnection. Instead of building their friendships on the foundations of shared values, trust, or compassion, they may enter into more transactional bonds that are based on social status. This diminishes the warmth of their human relationships and can feed a constant cycle of insecurity and competition. 

Misplaced Priorities in Education 

During the critical years of their schooling, an obsession with the material world can derail a child’s focus. Rather than valuing their learning as a means of personal growth, they may begin to chase outcomes only for the sake of appearances. For example, their grades can become a tool for boasting, rather than a measure of their understanding, or their extracurricular activities can be chosen for the recognition they bring, rather than for the passion they inspire. This shallow approach to their schooling can rob a child of their true intellectual curiosity and their potential for long-term success. 

A simple micro-action that a parent can try is to consciously highlight and praise the qualities in their child that are unrelated to any material gains. Celebrating their kindness to a classmate, their patience in completing a difficult task, or their honesty in admitting a mistake, all send a powerful signal that the child’s true worth lies in their character, not in their possessions. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that our material wealth is a fleeting and temporary blessing, and that it should never be the true measure of a person’s value. A child who attaches their self-worth to their possessions is unknowingly setting their heart upon very unstable ground. A parent can remind them that Allah Almighty honours our faith, our patience, and our righteousness far above any worldly symbols, and that our true dignity comes from the spiritual state of our heart. 

Allah Almighty states in noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 55: 

‘So do not be surprised by their (excessive) wealth and neither their (number of) offspring…’ 

This powerful verse reminds us that a person’s wealth and social status are not necessarily signs of their success or of divine favour. If they are misused, they can even become a source of great spiritual harm. A child who is able to grasp this reality early in their life can learn to detach their self-worth from their fleeting and temporary possessions. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah Almighty does not look at your appearance or your wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.’ 

Herein lies the most profound reassurance for a child. What truly counts in the sight of Allah Almighty is the sincerity of their heart and the quality of their actions. By teaching this perspective, a parent can anchor their child in a value system that cannot be shaken by either loss or peer pressure.