What should I do if my child is influencing others to misbehave? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understand Their Motivations 

When a child influences others to misbehave, it is important to address the situation calmly and to understand the underlying reasons for their actions. Children often influence others due to a desire for control, attention, or acceptance. The first step is to discuss the behaviour with your child. You can begin by calmly asking why they encouraged others to misbehave. For example, you could say, ‘I noticed you encouraged your brother not to follow the rules. Why did you do that?’ This allows your child to reflect on their behaviour and provides an opportunity for you to understand their motivations. 

Explain the Impact 

Next, you should explain why influencing others to misbehave is not acceptable. Let your child know that their actions can lead to negative consequences, such as damaging relationships and creating problems for everyone involved. You might say, ‘When you encourage your sibling to misbehave, it causes confusion and hurts the trust we have in each other. It is important to encourage good behaviour instead.’ 

Teach Positive Leadership 

Teach your child the value of setting a positive example. Encourage them to be a leader in promoting good behaviour, whether at home, at school, or with friends. It is a good idea to praise them when they show leadership in helping others to make good decisions. For example, you might say, ‘I am proud of how you helped your friend to stay on track with their homework. That is the kind of influence we should aim for.’ This reinforces the idea that positive behaviour is what will help them to build better relationships and to earn respect from others. 

Set Clear Consequences 

Lastly, ensure that the consequences for misbehaving are clear and consistent. If your child continues to influence others negatively, it is important to implement appropriate consequences, such as a temporary loss of privileges, to reinforce that this behaviour has serious implications. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the importance of guiding others towards good behaviour is emphasised, as is the responsibility we have to encourage positive actions. Allah Almighty reminds us in the noble Quran at Surah Al Aa’raaf (7), Verse 157: 

‘Those people who follow the Messenger, the Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ), who has not been taught by any man; you will discover that there is already written about him (being the Last Messenger) in the Torah and the Injeel; they encourage (the doing of) positive (moral actions), and forbid (the doing of) negative (immoral actions)….’ 

This verse teaches the importance of leading others towards what is good and right. 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also emphasised the role of positive influence. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 3587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘The best of you are those who are the best to their families.’ 

This Hadith teaches that kindness should begin in the home, and that parents should guide their children to treat each other with respect. By teaching your child to influence others in a positive way, you are guiding them to live according to the teachings of Islam, where good actions and positive behaviour are highly valued.