When is private praise more effective than praising in front of others? 

Parenting Perspective 

The decision to praise a child privately or publicly can significantly affect how they receive encouragement. While public recognition has its place, private praise is often a more powerful tool for building a child’s inner confidence and character, as it focuses on genuine connection rather than public performance. 

Protecting a Child’s Temperament 

Some children feel shy or uncomfortable when they become the centre of attention, especially in a group. Praising them privately avoids causing them embarrassment and allows them to absorb your words with sincerity. For instance, after guests have left, telling your child quietly, ‘I really noticed how responsible and helpful you were today,’ can mean far more than a loud announcement in front of everyone. This approach respects their temperament and helps them internalise the praise without feeling pressured by an audience. 

Preventing Unhealthy Competition 

Public praise, particularly among siblings or peers, can unintentionally spark rivalry and jealousy. By choosing private praise, you affirm your child’s value without inviting unhelpful comparisons. Quietly appreciating your child’s diligent effort on their homework, for example, prevents another sibling from feeling overlooked or less capable. Private praise helps nurture self-motivation rather than a need for applause, and it deepens the parent-child trust. Your child learns that your encouragement is a genuine connection, not a performance for others. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that the sincerity behind a deed is what gives it true worth. When parents offer praise privately, they reinforce the spiritual principles of humility and ikhlas (sincerity), guiding children to understand that the ultimate reward is from Allah Almighty, not from the approval of people. This helps them stay grounded and act out of conviction. 

Nurturing Sincerity (Ikhlas) and Humility 

Encouraging children to perform good deeds without seeking attention is a foundational Islamic value. The Quran often speaks of the virtue of actions that are concealed from the public eye, as they are more likely to be pure in intention. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 271: 

‘If you disclose your charitable (donations publicly) then this can be a good (gesture, to encourage others to do the same); but if you keep it private and give it to the poor, then this is also infinitely better for you…’ 

Although this verse refers to charity, its underlying principle applies broadly: goodness done in private often carries greater spiritual weight. Parents can model this by praising in a way that encourages a child’s humility over their pride. This is further echoed in the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1031a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Seven are (the persons) whom Allah would give protection with His Shade on the Day when there would be no shade but His Shade… (among them is) a man who gives charity and conceals it so that his left hand does not know what his right hand has given.’ 

This Hadith beautifully illustrates the virtue of concealing good deeds. By choosing private praise, parents echo this prophetic wisdom, nurturing children who value sincerity and seek the reward of Allah over public acclaim.