What words help a child move from ‘I am bad’ to ‘I am learning’? 

Parenting Perspective 

After making a mistake, children can sometimes label themselves harshly, saying ‘I am bad’ rather than recognising that they are still learning and growing. If it is left uncorrected, this negative self-talk can harm their self-esteem and create a sense of shame that hinders their development. Parents can gently shift their child’s language from self-condemnation to self-improvement by using words that affirm their identity while guiding their behaviour. 

Separate Their Identity from Their Actions 

It is important to respond with phrases that make a clear distinction between who they are and what they did. For example, ‘You are not a bad person. You are a good person who made a mistake, and making mistakes is how we all learn.’ This reassures your child that their fundamental worth is intact, while also showing them that their actions can be improved. This prevents them from tying their identity to their failures. 

Use Words That Encourage a Growth Mindset 

When you are correcting your child, use language that frames their behaviour as a skill that is still in progress. You could say, ‘You are still learning how to share your toys, and every time you try, you get a little bit better at it.’ Words like these teach your child to view challenges as opportunities for growth, not as proof of their inadequacy. 

Acknowledge Their Effort and Potential 

You can build their resilience by saying things like, ‘I can see how hard you tried to get that right. Next time, you will know even more about how to do it.’ This approach teaches children that their effort is valued and that growth is always possible. Over time, they will begin to internalise a growth mindset, thinking, ‘I am learning’ instead of ‘I am failing.’ 

When parents successfully shift the narrative from shame to growth, children develop the courage to try again. This nurtures their self-respect, persistence, and capacity for healthier self-talk. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, our relationship with God is built on the understanding that He values our sincere effort and repentance far more than He expects perfection from us. This perspective is a powerful tool for nurturing resilience and hope. 

Allah Values Repentance, Not Perfection 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), Verse 53: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “O my servants, those of you who have transgressed against yourselves (by committing sin); do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah (Almighty); indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall forgive the entirety of your sins; indeed, He is the Most Forgiving and the Most Merciful”.’ 

This beautiful verse reminds us that Allah Almighty never defines us by our mistakes, as long as we turn back to Him. His mercy is vast and always welcomes our sincere effort and repentance. 

The Prophetic View of Mistakes as Opportunities for Growth 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4251, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who commit sin are those who repent.’ 

This hadith teaches us that making mistakes is an unavoidable part of being human, but our growth lies in our ability to recognise those mistakes and sincerely seek to improve ourselves. 

When parents echo this divine perspective, they help their children to see themselves not as ‘bad’, but as learners on a lifelong journey. This nurtures humility, resilience, and hope, reminding them that mistakes are simply steps on the path of growth, both in their character and in their faith.