Parenting Perspective 

When children happen to overhear their relatives criticising one of their parents, it can plant seeds of doubt and insecurity in their young hearts. They may begin to question that parent’s authority, may feel pressured to take a side, or may even feel a sense of guilt for loving both of their parents. Protecting them from this requires the use of thoughtful words that can reassure them, redirect the negativity, and reaffirm your family’s unity. The goal is not necessarily to deny what the relatives have said, but to give your child a healthier framework with which to understand it. 

Reassure Them with Clarity 

You can calmly say to your child, ‘Sometimes people like to share their opinions, but Mummy and Daddy always make our family’s decisions together, to do what we feel is best for you.’ This helps to reinforce both your parental authority and your unity as a couple. 

Normalise Differences Without Assigning Blame 

You can use phrases like, ‘Different families sometimes see things in different ways, but in our home, this is the way that we choose to do it.’ This teaches your child the importance of respecting different perspectives, without making your relatives look bad. 

Emphasise Their Unconditional Love and Safety 

It is important to remind your child, ‘No matter what anybody else might say, you are safe and you are loved very much by both of us.’ The repetition of this message of unconditional love is what will protect their emotional security. 

Redirect the Moment Towards Your Values 

You can use a moment of criticism to teach an important lesson by saying, ‘We may not always agree with what other people think, but we will always make sure to treat them with kindness and respect.’ This helps your child to learn how to rise above any negativity. 

Follow Up with Positive Words 

It is a good idea to balance out any criticism your child may have overheard by taking the time to openly appreciate your spouse in front of them, so that they do not end up absorbing a one-sided or negative view. 

By carefully choosing these kinds of reassuring words, you can help to prevent any outside criticism from damaging your child’s trust or from creating confusion about your parental unity. 

Spiritual Insight 

Shielding Children from Division 

Islam teaches us to guard our tongues and to protect others from harmful words. As a parent, you have a duty to shield your child from words that may cause division, and to replace any criticism they may hear with your own messages of mercy and justice. 

The Prohibition of Harmful Speech 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This verse reminds us that criticism and mockery are forbidden in our religion, and that our children must be protected from hearing such harmful words as much as possible. 

The Importance of Protecting Family Bonds 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6077, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is not lawful for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, each of them turning away when they meet. The better of the two is the one who greets the other first.’ 

This hadith teaches that the act of maintaining our bonds and repairing any hurt with our words is a part of our faith. By using gentle and protective words with your child, you are not only upholding the Islamic values of respect and kindness, but you are also ensuring that any family criticism they may overhear does not break their sense of safety. Instead, your child can learn from your example that love, unity, and mercy are always stronger than any negative talk.