What words can help them feel secure when extended family criticises our choices? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children are naturally highly attuned to the dynamics within their family unit. When relatives openly criticise financial decisions or lifestyle choices, children may internalise this external judgment as a direct reflection on their own safety, security, or self-worth. They might formulate questions such as: “If our relatives think our choices are wrong, does that mean we are failing?” This emotional undercurrent can subsequently create anxiety, profound insecurity, or a destabilising sense of instability in their daily life. The first crucial step as a parent is to immediately recognise and gently validate this feeling. 

• You might say gently: “I understand that it feels confusing when others judge our decisions. It is normal to notice their opinions, but our family has its own path guided by wisdom and faith.” 

By calmly naming the emotion and separating it from the underlying behaviour, you help your children feel deeply understood and emotionally grounded. 

Anchoring Security in Principle 

Next, you must clearly reassure children that true security is built upon consistency, clear values, and faith, not upon external social approval. Use clear and consistently calm language: “We make our choices based on what Allah Almighty has provided us and what we sincerely believe is best for our home. What others say does not change that secure foundation.” Emphasising faith and reason together reinforces the truth that your decisions are rooted in principle, not in ego. You should actively encourage thoughtful questions and honest dialogue, allowing children to process their feelings fully rather than forcing them to suppress them. 

Modelling Assurance Without Arrogance 

You must consciously model language that balances necessary humility with firm assurance. Your composed tone is just as critical as your chosen words. 

Phrases that convey this balance include: 

• “We appreciate their perspective, but we are faithfully following what we believe is right and safe for our family.” 

• “It is acceptable for people to have different opinions; what matters is that we act responsibly according to our own principles.” 

When you visibly remain calm and composed, even when subjected to criticism, you instil in your children a sense of inner stability that no external judgement can shake or diminish. 

Teaching Resilience and Self-Worth 

To make this abstract lesson more tangible, you can share concrete examples. For instance, recount stories of times when family members criticised your own decisions, yet your patience and thoughtful action ultimately led to highly beneficial outcomes. Frame the story around the clear values it teaches: wisdom, patience, and unwavering resilience. Children absorb these narratives more deeply than abstract rules. 

Finally, encourage focused reflection on what is genuinely within one’s control and what is not. Have children identify specific areas they can actively influence, such as their own behaviour, study habits, or positive contributions to household tasks. Highlighting these controllable aspects shifts their focus away from the perceived negative opinions of others and towards their personal responsibility and self-worth. Through these steps, children internalise a sense of security that is firmly rooted in faith, family unity, and their own moral choices. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places immense value on cultivating a deep inner security that is powerfully grounded in reliance upon Allah Almighty (Tawakkul). The opinions of others, while sometimes informative, can never determine a believer’s righteous path or their intrinsic self-worth. Children who observe parents responding to criticism with composure and faith learn that true assurance comes from an unshakeable adherence to spiritual principle, not from human approval. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashr (59), Verse 18: 

‘O you who have believed, fear Allah. And let every soul look to what it has put forth for tomorrow…’ 

This verse teaches clear accountability and spiritual foresight rather than simple attachment to external validation. Children can readily understand that security and lasting success are measured by their effort, their pure intention, and their sincere obedience to Allah Almighty, not by the temporary approval of their relatives. Explaining this concept in age-appropriate language reinforces that while family opinions must be respected, they do not ultimately define one’s inherent worth or the family’s destiny. 

The Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also emphasised inner stability and sincere reliance on Allah when facing criticism or hardship. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 79, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, while there is good in both. Strive for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be discouraged.’ 

Here, strength refers not to physical might but to spiritual and emotional resilience. By modelling this principle, parents teach children how to absorb any constructive lessons without internalising unjust or harsh critique. Your words and actions together demonstrate that dignity and deep faith create a secure inner foundation, rendering the family impervious to fleeting opinions and criticisms.