What wording helps when a child says ‘you paid them more for the same job’? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child notices a sibling is paid more for the same job, it can create feelings of injustice or resentment. As children develop a stronger sense of fairness, they may perceive such disparities as evidence of unequal treatment. This is an opportunity to explain that fairness involves more than equal pay; it also considers age, responsibility, and effort. Your role as a parent is to calmly address their concerns, explain the reasoning, and reinforce that fairness does not always mean identical treatment. 

Acknowledge Their Concern 

Start by validating their feelings. ‘I understand you feel it is not fair that your sibling was paid more for the same job. It is important that we talk about why this happened’. This shows empathy and openness, allowing the child to express their frustration while keeping the conversation respectful. 

Explain the Reasons for the Difference 

Explain that differences in pay can be due to factors like age, responsibility, and overall effort. You might say, ‘Although the job was the same, your sibling may have taken on additional responsibilities, or perhaps their age allows them to handle the task differently. We adjust pay to reflect each person’s effort and responsibility, not just the job itself’. This explanation helps the child understand that pay is based on a range of factors reflecting individual growth. 

Reassure Them of Fairness and Equal Love 

Reassure the child that they are equally loved and valued, despite the difference in pay. You could say, ‘Just because the pay is different, it does not mean one of you is loved more. The amount you receive reflects what is appropriate for your age and effort right now’. This helps them recognise that fairness is about meeting individual needs and not about matching identical outcomes. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches the importance of justice and fairness in all aspects of life. When we distribute resources, we are guided by the principle of equity, which means giving each person what is right for them. Children can learn that fairness is not always about identical treatment but about providing what is just and needed for each individual’s unique circumstances. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah An Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

‘Indeed, Allah commands you to render trusts to whom they are due and when you judge between people to judge with justice. Excellent is that which Allah instructs you. Indeed, Allah is ever Hearing and Seeing.’ 

This verse reminds us that justice involves giving people what is due to them, which requires consideration of their unique situations. In the case of paying for chores, fairness means taking into account age, responsibility, and effort. Just as Allah Almighty commands us to judge with justice, parents are called to distribute rewards with wisdom, ensuring each child is treated justly. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisa, Hadith 3687, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Treat your children fairly, treat your children fairly.’ 

This hadith teaches the importance of treating all children with equity. By explaining the reasoning behind different pay for the same job, parents can help their children understand that fairness is about what is just for each person, not about giving identical rewards. This helps them embrace the values of equity and understanding in all aspects of life. 

By guiding children through moments of perceived inequality with wisdom and empathy, parents can foster a deeper understanding of fairness rooted in the values of Islam.