Parenting Perspective 

When neighbours pass judgment, whether openly or subtly, on a family’s parenting style, it can create immense stress. Instead of being able to focus calmly on their child’s needs, parents may feel pressured to raise their children for the sake of appearances, rather than for their genuine growth and well-being. 

The Emotional Strain on Parents 

This constant scrutiny can take a heavy toll. 

• Self-Doubt: Persistent judgment can make parents question whether they are ‘good enough’, even when their child is happy and thriving. 

• Anxiety and Shame: A fear of gossip may cause parents to feel embarrassed about normal parenting struggles, such as a child’s tantrum. 

• Overcompensation: Some parents may start to push their child unrealistically hard in certain areas, simply to prove their critics wrong. 

The Impact on Children 

Children are sensitive to their parents’ stress and can be affected deeply. They may sense their parents’ anxiety and internalise the idea that they are a source of embarrassment, which can lower their own confidence. This pressure can weaken the parent-child bond, as family life becomes more about satisfying outsiders than about nurturing a genuine connection. 

How to Support Family Resilience 

Parents can protect their family from these external pressures. 

• Remind yourselves that neighbours only see fragments of your family life, not the full and complex picture. 

• Prioritise your child’s wellbeing over your public image, making decisions that are rooted in love and what is best for them long-term. 

• Speak openly with your child about your family values, showing them that your mutual approval matters more than outside opinions. 

• Build a supportive network of friends or relatives who respect your parenting choices. 

By focusing on sincerity, parents model confidence and stability, which helps children to feel secure even in the face of judgment. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam warns against the sins of arrogance, passing judgment, and gossip, reminding us that only Allah knows the complete truth of a person’s life and struggles. While feeling judged is undoubtedly painful, it can also be an opportunity for parents to anchor their efforts in faith rather than in public opinion. 

A Quranic Reminder Against Mockery and Judgment 

The Quran strictly forbids looking down on others, as their true worth is hidden from us and known only to Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This verse reminds us that those who are judged may be more honoured in the sight of Allah than those who judge them. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Mercy in Parenting 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ demonstrated that the foundation of good parenting is love and mercy, not performing for the approval of others. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5997, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ kissed his grandson Hasan ibn Ali, and a man said, “I have ten children and I have never kissed any of them.” The Prophet ﷺ replied, 

‘Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.’ 

This hadith shows that parenting is about compassion, a quality that is judged by Allah alone. 

By focusing on mercy, sincerity, and trust in Allah, parents can rise above the stress of neighbourhood judgment. This teaches children that true success in parenting lies in raising them with compassion and faith, not in meeting the fleeting and often misguided expectations of society.