What steps can keep love steady even when behaviour slips? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is an inevitable part of growing up that children will make mistakes, whether it is arguing, forgetting instructions, or testing the limits you have set. If a parent’s love seems to rise and fall in line with their child’s behaviour, the child may begin to internalise the damaging belief that they are only worthy of love when they are being ‘good’. This can damage the trust between you and can push them towards either rebellion or an unhealthy habit of people-pleasing. The key is to show them that your love for them is unconditional, while at the same time making it clear that their behaviour will still have guidance and consequences. The act of separating the child from their actions is what helps them to feel secure in your love, even when a correction is necessary. 

Make Your Love Explicit During Correction 

You can say, ‘I do not like the choice you just made, but I want you to know that I will always love you.’ This simple but powerful statement helps to clarify that your discipline is targeting their behaviour, not their identity. 

Maintain Visible Affection 

Even in moments of discipline, you can offer small signs of affection, such as maintaining eye contact, using a gentle tone of voice, or placing a reassuring hand on their shoulder. These small gestures serve as a reminder of the love that exists underneath the firmness of the correction. 

Return to a State of Warmth Quickly 

After a correction has been made, it is important to reintroduce a feeling of warmth through a hug, a smile, or a shared activity. This prevents a feeling of tension from lingering in the home and reassures your child that your bond with them is intact. 

Use a Consistent Language of Belonging 

Regularly repeat phrases that affirm your child’s place in the family, such as, ‘You are such a precious gift from Allah to me.’ These regular affirmations help to build a foundation of love that your child can lean on, even when they have made a mistake. 

Balance Consequences with an Explanation of Mercy 

It is important to follow through on the rules you have set, but you can explain your reasoning by saying, ‘I am teaching you this because I care about your heart and your future.’ This helps to ensure that your boundaries do not feel like a form of rejection. 

By consciously separating the act of discipline from the feeling of affection, parents can show their children that their love is steady and dependable, a beautiful reflection of the mercy of Allah. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Quran on the Mercy Within the Parent-Child Bond 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 14: 

‘And We (Allah Almighty) have decreed upon mankind in regard to his parents; his mother carried him (in pregnancy exposing her to) weakness upon weakness; and his dependent nourishment (from her) for two years; (thus O mankind) be grateful to Me (Allah Almighty) and to your parents, and to Me is (your ultimate) destination.’ 

This verse highlights the deep and sacrificial mercy that is built into the parent-child relationship. In the same way that children are commanded to honour their parents, parents are called to embody a mercy that reflects the loving care of Allah. 

Prophetic Guidance on the Centrality of Mercy 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1924, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Those who do not show mercy will not be shown mercy.’ 

This hadith reminds us that the quality of mercy is central to all of our bonds. When parents are able to remain loving even while they are correcting their child’s behaviour, they are mirroring the prophetic guidance of being firm while remaining anchored in compassion. This steady and unconditional love helps to build homes where children can learn accountability without the fear of rejection, and where discipline becomes a means of growth rather than a source of wounding.