What should parents do if a child starts comparing their family’s rules with ‘cooler’ families, causing resentment? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is a common phase for children to compare their own family’s rules with those of their friends, often concluding that other parents are ‘cooler’ or more lenient. Hearing comments like, ‘Everyone else is allowed to, so why can’t I?’ can be frustrating and may even cause parents to second-guess their decisions. The key is to respond with confidence, empathy, and consistency, reinforcing the idea that your boundaries are a form of protection, not punishment. 

Listen Before Responding 

Instead of immediately dismissing their complaint, create space for dialogue. Ask a calm, open question like: ‘What is it about their rules that you feel is better?’ This helps the child to feel heard and gives you valuable insight into what they are truly seeking, whether it is more freedom, trust, or simply a sense of fun. 

Explain Family Values Clearly 

Gently remind your child that every family operates according to its own unique principles. You could say: ‘In our home, we make choices that we believe are best for protecting your health, your studies, and your prayer. Other families will have their own way of doing things, but this is ours.’ This clarity helps children see that your rules are guided by values, not just a desire for control. 

Reframe Rules as Love, Not Restriction 

Help your child see that your rules are rooted in care. For example, you could explain: ‘The reason we have a limit on late-night screen use is because we care deeply about you getting enough rest and having peace of mind.’ This simple reframing can shift their internal narrative from ‘My parents are strict’ to ‘My parents are looking out for me.’ 

Balance With Positive Freedom 

To counteract feelings of being overly controlled, make sure you are offering areas where your child does have choice and independence. Allowing them to make their own age-appropriate decisions in other aspects of their life can reduce the sense of being restricted when it comes to the non-negotiable rules. 

By handling these comparisons calmly, parents can teach their children that being ‘cool’ is not about blindly following the crowd, but about building a life guided by protection and a clear sense of purpose. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that true success and contentment are not found in imitating the habits of others, but in living a life of righteousness and gratitude in accordance with the guidance of Allah Almighty. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maidah (5), Verses 104: 

‘And when it is said to them, “Come to what Allah has revealed and to the Messenger,” they say, “Sufficient for us is that upon which we found our fathers.” Even though their fathers knew nothing, nor were they guided…’ 

This verse serves as a powerful caution against following tradition or popular opinion without question, reminding us that true guidance is not always found in what is most common. 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 3262, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Islam began as something strange and will return to being strange as it began, so glad tidings to the strangers.’ 

This beautiful hadith teaches us that adhering to the truth, even when it makes one different from the crowd, is not a weakness but a sign of strength and a source of great blessing. 

By sharing this spiritual perspective, parents can help their children understand that the family’s rules are not about being ‘uncool,’ but about consciously choosing a path guided by care, wisdom, and faith. Over time, this helps a child to build a sense of pride in their family’s unique values, replacing feelings of resentment with a sense of belonging and purpose.