Parenting Perspective 

Address Each Child Individually 

When one child follows the rules and another consistently breaks them, it can create tension for the whole family. The most important first step is to avoid making direct comparisons, such as, ‘Why can’t you be more like your brother?’ as this breeds resentment. Instead, address each child’s behaviour individually. Offer sincere praise to the child who is following the rules, while working calmly and separately with the one who is struggling. 

Focus on Guidance, Not Just Consequences 

A child who frequently breaks rules often needs more support, not just harsher punishments. Try to understand the reason for their behaviour. Are they struggling with self-control or feeling overwhelmed? It helps to provide clear, simple reminders and to set consistent but fair consequences. At the same time, it is vital to praise small improvements: ‘You remembered to put your shoes away today, well done!’ This balances discipline with encouragement. 

Build Accountability Without Alienating 

By maintaining fairness and separating your responses, you build accountability without discouraging the child who follows rules or alienating the one who struggles. This shows both children that growth is possible and that good behaviour is always appreciated. 

Spiritual Insight 

Accountability is Personal 

Islam teaches that every person is accountable for their own actions. The Quran reminds us that no soul will bear the burden of another. This principle can be gently taught to children, helping them to understand that they are responsible for their own choices, regardless of what their sibling does. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verse 164: 

‘…And no soul shall reap anything except what they (have committed) onto themselves; and no one shall become the bearer of any responsibility, in (carrying) the burden of others…’ 

Correct Wrong Behaviour with Wisdom 

The prophetic tradition teaches that it is a believer’s duty to correct wrongdoing when they see it. For a parent, this means addressing a child’s misbehaviour with wisdom and mercy, according to their capacity, rather than ignoring it or reacting with harshness. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, 5008, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever among you sees an evil, let him change it with his hand; if he is not able, then with his tongue; and if he is not able, then with his heart  and that is the weakest of faith.’ 

Reflecting Justice and Mercy 

When you guide each child with fairness praising one without shaming the other and correcting with patience you reflect the beautiful Islamic balance between justice and mercy. This approach helps to build responsibility in the child who struggles, while affirming the positive efforts of the one who is obedient.