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What should I do when my parenting decisions are undermined in front of our child, but I want to avoid open conflict? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Impact of Undermining Authority 

When a parent’s judgement is overturned or dismissed in front of a child, the consequences go beyond humiliation. It distorts boundaries, undermines respect, and teaches the child that power is negotiable based on which parent speaks last. Continuing this pattern may result in children manipulating the inconsistency or experiencing anxiety due to the tension they perceive but are unable to articulate. 

A Strategy for Maintaining Unity 

The immediate objective is to keep your child emotionally stable without causing conflict. In the moment, stay composed. If your spouse contradicts your direction in front of the child, answer calmly: Let us talk about this later, and then we can decide together. This demonstrates unity even when you disagree, and it communicates to the child that parenting decisions are not battlegrounds. Privately, engage in an assertive but respectful conversation. Use language that focuses on the impact, not the blame: When you change what I say in front of her, it makes me look unreliable. Can we agree to talk privately first next time? The purpose is not to win an argument, but to establish a shared parenting protocol: arguments take place behind closed doors, and decisions are portrayed as unified. Additionally, reaffirm your relationship with your child by demonstrating constancy in other areas. This helps you rebuild your authority quietly, without having to re-establish it through fighting. 

Spiritual Insight 

Children develop trust through constancy. Parenting should represent both Rahmah (mercy) and Adl (justice). Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 53: 

And informed My servants that they should speak in only the most politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan (is always ready) to infuse anarchy between them. 

This verse reminds us that harsh, reactive language, particularly between spouses, promotes emotional disintegration. Even when a dispute is justified, how it is articulated can either promote peace or cause conflict. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2020, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

Do not get angry. 

By choosing restraint over confrontation in front of your child, you exhibit both emotional maturity and Sunnah-based leadership. Long-term parenting unity is not about always agreeing; it is about preventing your child from being collateral in communication gaps. Correct it quietly, protect them openly. That is strength. 

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