Parenting Perspective 

When a child tells a ‘white lie,’ it often comes from a good intention to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. While the motive is kind, it is important to teach them that honesty is the foundation of trust. The goal is to show them how to be both kind and truthful at the same time. 

Explain Why ‘White Lies’ Can Be Harmful 

Gently explain that even small lies can cause confusion and weaken trust. You can use a simple example: ‘If you say you like your auntie’s gift when you do not, she might buy you another one just like it next year!’ This helps them to see the practical problems that small lies can create. 

Teach Kind but Honest Alternatives 

Show your child how to be polite without being dishonest. Instead of a false compliment, they can focus on gratitude: ‘Thank you so much for preparing this for me.’ This allows them to remain truthful while still showing respect for the other person’s effort. Modelling this in your own interactions is the most powerful way to teach this skill. 

Praise Honesty Paired with Respect 

When you see your child successfully navigate a situation with both kindness and honesty, acknowledge their effort. Saying, ‘I was so impressed with how you were polite and truthful at the same time,’ provides positive reinforcement for this nuanced skill. This helps them to see that these two values are not in opposition, but work together beautifully. 

Spiritual Insight 

Say That Which is Best 

Islam values honesty as a pillar of faith but also encourages wisdom and gentleness in our speech. The Quran commands believers to choose their words with care, ensuring they bring goodness and understanding without compromising the truth. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 53: 

‘And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them, as indeed, Satan is the most visible enemy for mankind.’ 

A Believer’s Speech is Noble 

The prophetic tradition teaches that a believer’s character is reflected in their speech. Our words should be free from insults, curses, and foulness. This means that while we must be truthful, our truth should always be delivered with good manners. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, 1555, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is not one who taunts, curses, speaks indecently, or is foul.’ 

Honesty Wrapped in Kindness 

By showing your child that truthfulness should always be wrapped in kindness, you nurture a character that values honesty without being harsh. They learn over time that this beautiful combination of sincerity and respect is what pleases Allah and wins the hearts of people.