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What should I do when my child copies my tone or attitude after I have had a stressful day? 

Parenting Perspective 

Viewing Mimicry as Feedback 

Children take in the way we speak, not simply what we say. By observing us, they are continuously learning how to handle stress. Therefore, it can be startling and even embarrassing when your child mimics your past use of a stern tone or irritated demeanour. However, this is not a failure. Feedback is what it is. 

Modelling Repair and Responsibility 

Rather than responding defensively or with guilt, take a moment to think aloud and say, That sounded like something I said today, and it was not kind. I apologise if you heard that; I am trying to be more composed. The child is able to distinguish behaviour from identity thanks to this self-awareness moment. It also demonstrates to them that growth is about introspection and healing rather than perfection. Model the tone you wish they had heard instead of jumping to correct them. Be quiet, give a hug, and accept responsibility for your actions. When children feel valued and safe rather than embarrassed, they are much more willing to change their own behaviour. Additionally, it provides children with a healthy emotional model by acknowledging that even grownups are still growing and that mistakes are not hidden. Without giving a lecture, you demonstrate humility, responsibility, and emotional maturity in one simple deed. 

Spiritual Insight 

Our character is our ongoing legacy in Islam. Our children’s inner compass is influenced by the way we behave in our daily lives. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Saff (61), Verse 2: 

O you who are believers, why do you say (to others) that which you do not do (yourself).” 

The verse serves as a potent reminder that alignment is the first step towards integrity and that our words and deeds must be consistent. Children observe how we live in addition to hearing what we educate them. We have the opportunity to realign our behaviours with our principles when our tone falters and they mirror it back. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6029, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

The best among you are those who have the best manners and character. 

Even under stressful situations, the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was always gentle. He never denied his humanity; he accepted emotion but never allowed it to influence his behaviour. We emulate his genuine humility and character development by taking responsibility for our mistakes, particularly those involving our children. Therefore, respond to your child’s reflection of your challenging situation with sincerity rather than shame. Let that instance serve as a minor turning point, teaching them that even our mistakes can result in admirable development. This is not a sign of weakness. This is Tarbiya’s centre. 

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