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What should I do when I notice my child reacting in fear to my anger? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child reacts to your anger by flinching, hiding, avoiding eye contact, or becoming silent, it is an indication of emotional harm rather than defiance. Do not ignore it. Do not hurry to defend. Hold on. Look at the fear. Next, take a safe lead. Kneel down. Make your voice and face softer. Simply state: I apologise for frightening you. That was not acceptable. If they consent, reassure them physically so that you can rebuild the bridge rather than deny what happened. Children are hardwired to look to their guardians for protection. That trust is damaged when we start to inspire dread. However, the wonderful thing about being a parent is that every break can be a chance for healing. Hold more, talk less. The objective is to preserve their emotional stability, not to defend oneself. Your child will eventually learn from these moments of restoration that love is not synonymous with perfection. It denotes responsibility, tenderness, and reciprocity. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic paradigm for obedience and love is never fear of a parent. Parenting from presence, not from authority, is the honourable method. Allah Almighty says in Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty….. “

Children, too, are among our closest relations, and they deserve justice (Adl) and beauty (Ihsan) in how we speak, correct, and lead. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1921, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

He is not of us who does not have mercy on our young ones and recognise the honour of our elders. 

Even in situations where others anticipated reprimand, the Prophet’s reaction was mercy. His tone fostered safety rather than dread, even when he corrected. Therefore, if your child is afraid of you, take it seriously. It is a sign to get closer to the prophetic route, not a sign that you are failing. Having mercy does not make you less powerful. It is anchored by it. In addition to re-establishing a relationship, you are reflecting divine kindness in your family when you transform fear into assurance. 

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