What should I do when consequences are not working as expected? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be disheartening when a consequence does not bring the change you had hoped for, and your child repeats the same behaviour. This does not mean that discipline has failed, but rather that your approach may need some adjustment. Consequences are most effective when they are meaningful, consistent, and paired with positive guidance, not when they are used as standalone punishments. 

Reassess the Fit 

Take a moment to ask yourself a few key questions: Is the consequence appropriate for my child’s age? Does it connect logically to the behaviour? For example, simply taking away a toy may work for a toddler, but it is unlikely to be effective for a teenager. An older child may respond better to a temporary loss of privileges or being given a task that helps to repair their mistake. 

Stay Consistent, Not Harsher 

If a particular consequence is not working, the answer is rarely to escalate into harsher and stricter punishments. Children will often resist a new boundary at first, but your steady and consistent follow-through over time is what shows them that you mean what you say. Patience is key. 

Pair Consequences With Teaching 

Use the moment of discipline as an opportunity to guide your child towards a better choice. You could say, ‘You have lost your screen time today because you did not switch it off when asked. Tomorrow will be a new chance for you to show me you can be responsible with it.’ This helps to frame the consequence as an opportunity for learning, not just as a loss of privilege. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that guidance is not only about correction but also about wisdom and patience. When a particular consequence is not working, it should be refined with fairness and sincerity, not with increased anger or harshness. 

The Wisdom of Good Instruction 

The Quran reminds us that lasting and positive change in a person’s behaviour comes from wisdom and consistent, gentle teaching, not from the use of force. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 125: 

‘ Invite (people) to (follow) the (prescribed) pathways of your Sustainer with wisdom, and polite enlightened direction, and only argue with them in the politest manner…’ 

The Beautifying Quality of Gentleness 

The prophetic tradition teaches that discipline loses its value and beauty when it becomes harsh, but it is made more effective when it is paired with gentleness. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective.’ 

By calmly adjusting your approach when consequences are not working, you are reflecting the Islamic values of wisdom and mercy. Your child learns that your discipline is a form of steady guidance, which helps them to grow in both responsibility and character.