What should I do if praise triggers ‘you never notice me’ from another child? 

Parenting Perspective 

When one child reacts to praise directed at their sibling with the words, ‘You never notice me’, it is a clear signal that they are craving recognition. Rather than dismissing the comment, it is vital to pause and acknowledge their feelings: ‘I hear you, and I do notice you’. Avoid comparing the children’s behaviours or achievements, as this can deepen resentment. Instead, shift the focus to moments when you have valued that child specifically, whether for their kindness, effort, or a small contribution. By responding calmly and attentively, you show that their voice matters and that praise for one child does not signify the neglect of the other. 

Creating a Rhythm of Fair Recognition 

A practical step is to build a steady rhythm of recognition into daily family life. Set aside moments where you highlight each child’s unique qualities, so no one feels consistently overlooked. This does not mean forcing equal praise at the same moment but ensuring that over time each child receives your focused attention in ways that suit their personality. Encourage siblings to appreciate one another, by modelling phrases such as, ‘Your brother worked very hard on that, let us celebrate his effort’, before later recognising the other child’s contribution in a different area. When your children see praise as something shared and abundant rather than scarce and competitive, it reduces jealousy and nurtures mutual respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that every person is blessed with unique qualities and that fairness in parental treatment is a sacred obligation. 

Valuing Each Child’s Individual Blessing 

The Quran reminds us that differences in blessings are part of Allah Almighty’s wisdom, and true fairness lies in gratitude and justice, not necessarily in identical treatment. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 71: 

‘And Allah (Almighty) has preferred some a few over others in the provisions (of this world); but those people who have been preferred (in this way), do not share their provisions, even with those people that they are legally bound to (provide for), in case (it was deemed) that they had become equal to them; then is it the benefactions of Allah (Almighty) that they discard?’ 

The Prophetic Emphasis on Fairness 

The prophetic teachings place a strong emphasis on justice between children to foster love and prevent resentment. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 1773, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Maintain justice among your children in giving gifts, just as you would like them to be just with you in kindness.’ 

This hadith demonstrates that just treatment of children is a serious responsibility for every parent. By practising fairness in attention, recognition, and affection, you nurture not only sibling harmony but also an understanding that parental love is balanced and reliable. This anchors your children in the knowledge that while specific praise may come at different times, their fundamental worth and place in your heart remain equal and secure.