What should I do if my child was involved in something at school but denies it? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be confusing when a teacher reports an incident that your child denies. It is helpful to remember that a child’s denial often comes from fear of punishment or disappointment, not from a desire to be deceitful. The key is to balance your trust with the school while creating a safe space for your child to be honest. 

Stay Calm and Listen Without Judgment 

Beginning the conversation with an accusation like, ‘I know you did it,’ will likely cause your child to become defensive. Instead, use gentle, open language: ‘I heard something happened at school today, and I would really like to hear your side of the story.’ This approach values their perspective and encourages dialogue rather than denial. 

Frame Honesty as a Partnership 

Remind your child of the trust between you: ‘I will always trust you, and I need us to be honest with each other. Even if something went wrong, we can work it out together.’ This frames the conversation around your partnership and shared values, making honesty feel like a safe path rather than a trap. 

Focus on Solutions, Not Blame 

If the evidence from the school is strong, you can address it calmly without assigning blame. Saying, ‘The teacher is quite certain you were involved, so let’s think about how we can make this right,’ shifts the focus to finding a solution. This gives your child the space to take responsibility and learn from the mistake, which is the ultimate goal. 

Spiritual Insight 

Stand Firm for Justice, Even Against Yourself 

Islam calls for truthfulness, even when it is uncomfortable. The Quran commands believers to be witnesses for justice, even if it means speaking against themselves. This is a powerful reminder that honesty is a duty before Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 135: 

‘ O you who are believers, remain upright in upholding justice, bearing witness (to such actions) for the sake of Allah (Almighty); even if it goes against your own interest, or that of your parents, or your close relatives…’ 

Truthfulness is the Path to Paradise 

The prophetic tradition teaches that honesty is the path to righteousness, which in turn leads to Paradise. Admitting the truth, even when one has made a mistake, is therefore always the path that earns Allah’s pleasure and reward. 

It is recorded in Bulugh Al Maram, 83, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Truthfulness is righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise, while lying is wickedness, and wickedness leads to the Fire.’ 

Honesty Brings Closeness and Trust 

When your child sees that your calm response is rooted in fairness and faith, they learn a valuable lesson. They begin to understand that denying a mistake creates distance, while being truthful brings closeness, trust, and spiritual growth.