Parenting Perspective 

It is a very common experience for a clingy child to seek the comfort of a parent’s lap the moment a couple begins a conversation. This behaviour is driven by a desire for closeness and a fear of being left out. The goal is not to push them away, but to lovingly guide them towards their own safe space nearby, such as a cushion, while reassuring them of your constant love. 

Step 1: Designate a ‘Special Spot’ 

Introduce the cushion as their exclusive ‘special spot’. You could say, ‘This is your cosy listening cushion for when Mum and Dad are talking’. Make it feel inviting and positive rather than like a place of exclusion by adding a favourite soft toy or a special blanket. 

Step 2: Practise During Calm Moments 

During a quiet part of the day, practise the new routine through role-play. You can sit in your usual spot while guiding your child to their cushion, offering warm praise for staying there. This helps them associate their cushion with positive attention instead of separation. 

Step 3: Guide Them Gently During a Chat 

When your child climbs onto your lap during a conversation, validate their feelings before gently guiding them to their cushion. You could say, ‘I know you want to be close to us. Please sit on your special cushion so you can still hear everything and be with us’. This acknowledges their need while firmly upholding the boundary. 

Step 4: Acknowledge and Reward Their Effort 

After they have successfully waited on their cushion for a minute or two, offer specific thanks: ‘You did such a wonderful job waiting on your spot!’ As they get used to it, you can gradually extend the duration. This consistency builds trust that they are still included, just in their own designated space. 

Through this gentle and consistent plan, your child learns independence without feeling rejected. You and your spouse regain the space needed for connection, and your child is reassured that love remains constant even when gentle boundaries are in place. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam guides us to raise our children with both mercy and gentle discipline. Teaching a child to wait patiently on their own cushion during adult conversations is a practical way of nurturing patience while also preserving the essential bond between spouses. 

The Blessing of Making Space for Others 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mujadilah (58), Verse 11: 

‘O you who are believers, when it is said to you: “Make space for each other in the gatherings”, then try to accommodate each other; (and conversely) Allah (Almighty) shall accommodate you (with His mercy)…’ 

This verse teaches a beautiful principle of etiquette and respect. Guiding a child to make space for their parents’ conversation is a small but meaningful way to instil this noble habit, which in turn attracts blessings from Allah Almighty. 

The Balance of Mercy and Respect 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1919, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not show mercy to our young or respect to our elders is not one of us.’ 

This Hadith provides a perfect balance for parenting: we must show mercy to our children, even when setting boundaries. Our training should be firm enough to teach discipline, yet gentle enough to preserve their dignity and sense of security. 

By lovingly moving a child from your lap to their cushion, you are combining mercy with discipline. Your marriage receives its needed space, and your child learns patience, respect, and emotional security, all within the nurturing light of Islamic values.