Parenting Perspective 

When a child starts ‘side shows’—such as whispering, pulling faces, or offering loud commentary—during assemblies, they are usually chasing novelty and connection in a high-stimulation, low-engagement setting. The key is to manage their need for attention by providing structure, a dignified role, and quiet self-regulation tools so their desire for the spotlight does not disrupt the learning environment. 

Priming Before You Arrive 

Predictability is crucial for reducing the urge to perform. Preview the event sequence and set concrete expectations beforehand. 

• Set the timeframe and structure: “We sit, we listen, we clap at the end. It will be fifteen minutes.” 

• Offer controlled choices: “Front row or side row?” or “Sit by me or one seat away?” This small dose of buy-in can reduce rebellion. 

• For younger children, use a simple visual cue, such as a three-box card labelled Sit, Listen, Clap. 

Giving a Job, Not a Lecture 

Assign a quiet dignity role to satisfy the child’s need for status through service, rather than spectacle. A child with a valued task is less likely to create their own spotlight. 

• Assign a role: Make them the Programme Holder, the Clap Starter (on your silent signal), the Water Monitor (passing a small bottle at a halfway point), or the Note-Taker who is tasked with quietly writing down one new fact they learned. 

Creating Silent Signals and Micro-Regulation 

Equip your child with tools for self-correction that are quiet and independent. These micro-regulation techniques give the child agency without causing further noise. 

• Agree on two signals: Your gentle tap on their wrist means ‘reset body’; their two taps on your hand means ‘I need help’. 

• Practise quiet resets: Teach three discrete tools, such as a shoulder roll, 4–4 breathing (inhale for four counts, exhale for four counts), or the still-hands anchor (hands pressed under thighs for ten seconds). 

Using Short, Steady Micro-Scripts 

If side shows begin, your response must be brief, low-key, and matter of fact to avoid rewarding the spectacle with drama or humour. 

• Go low and brief: Whisper simple cues, such as “Assembly voice. Eyes front,” or “Save it for after.” 

• If necessary, calmly and silently change seats with a whispered instruction: “Closer to me for focus.” Maintain a kind but firm facial expression. 

Debriefing and Rehearsing After 

Later, use specific praise to reinforce the desired behaviour and help the child reflect on their choices, turning the event into a learning opportunity. 

• Praise specifics: “You used the wrist signal and came back to focus.” 

• Rehearse: Practise a 60-second ‘mini-assembly’ at home. 

• Guide repair: If they disrupted others, prompt a small, dignified repair: “Next time, offer the programme to the teacher and say thanks.” 

Spiritual Insight 

An assembly is a shared space where others have a right to benefit and be heard. Islam teaches us to honour gatherings with dignity, to avoid idle disruption (laghw), and to choose restraint over showmanship. Guiding your child from ‘spotlight’ to ‘service’ channels their energy and elevates their conduct into an act of adab (refined manners). 

Qur’anic Guidance: Passing by Ill Speech with Dignity 

The behaviour of a true believer is marked by an adherence to dignity and a refusal to participate in or create idle talk. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verses 72: 

‘And those people who choose not to verify falsehood; and whenever they pass (people engaged in) obscenities; they pass by them (as if) they respected them.’ 

Teach your child that assemblies demand this dignity. “Passing by laghw” means neither creating nor engaging in disruptive commentary. Sitting quietly, keeping a low voice, and allowing others to be heard are visible marks of a believer’s refinement (iḥsān). Your calm cues and their quiet role help them embody this Qur’anic ethic in a public hall. 

Hadith Guidance: Leaving What Does Not Concern Him 

Side shows are often activities that fall under the category of ‘things that do not concern us’—commentary, jokes, and antics that are irrelevant to the purpose of the gathering. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2317, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Part of the perfection of a person’s Islam is leaving that which does not concern him.’ 

Use this Hadith as a family rule for all gatherings: Fulfil the role you were given and leave what is not your turn. Explain that true confidence is quiet discipline, and that honour comes from letting good words reach others without interference. Giving your child a plan, a purpose, and gentle boundaries channels their energy from performance to participation, allowing them to discover the strength of restraint.