Parenting Perspective 

When a child pesters strangers with loud jokes, cheeky comments, or by trying to startle them, they are often seeking a quick sense of attention and power. This behaviour is best treated as a gap in their social skills, not a moral flaw. An effective plan should aim to reduce overstimulation, meet their underlying need for connection, and teach them respectful ways to seek attention that can still feel fun. 

Pre-brief and Assign a Role 

Before you enter shops, parks, or events, kneel down to your child’s eye level and set a simple, one-minute plan: ‘In here, we greet people with gentle voices. Our jokes are for family time. Your special job is to be my helper.’ Give them a status-rich role, such as carrying the list, pushing a small trolley, or counting items. Providing this positive connection beforehand reduces the urge for them to seek reactions from strangers. 

Teach a Clear Social Script 

Offer your child specific words that meet the same need more respectfully. For example, ‘When you think of a funny joke, whisper it to me,’ or ‘If you want to talk to someone, you can say, ‘Excuse me,’ and ask one polite question.’ Rehearse these scripts a couple of times before you go inside. Children are more likely to perform the way they practise. 

Respond Calmly in the Moment 

If the pestering begins, move close to your child, soften your face, and give a quiet, pre-agreed cue, such as saying, ‘My voice,’ or touching your elbow. Guide them to stand beside you and place their hand on your arm. Gently remind them, ‘We speak kindly here. Try your whisper joke on me.’ This removes their audience without adding shame. If it is safe and possible, step aside for a short reset. 

Use Natural, Teaching Consequences 

Keep any consequences brief and logically linked to the behaviour. You might say, ‘We paused our shopping because people around us need calm. Let us try again in a moment.’ Avoid giving public lectures. Your emotional neutrality prevents the behaviour from turning into a bigger show. As soon as they use the respectful script you practised, offer specific praise: ‘You said, ‘Excuse me,’ so nicely.’ 

Repair and Teach Perspective Later 

At home, when everyone is calm, debrief the situation. Name the impulse and the impact without blame: ‘You really wanted to get a big laugh. I think it might have startled that lady.’ Role-play better alternatives, such as turning a silly face into a whispered joke for you, or a loud call into a polite wave. Keep the practice session short and end it on a successful note. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam refines our sense of humour with adab (good manners). While joy and playfulness are welcome, our interactions should always be framed by dignity. Your steady and patient coaching helps turn a child’s search for laughs into lasting character, teaching them to seek the pleasure of Allah Almighty in how they interact with all people. 

Quranic Reflection 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 83: 

‘“…And speak to the people with dignity...”.’ 

A child who learns to ‘speak good’ discovers that words can be used to lift others up, not to sting or startle them. When you link humour with kindness and set boundaries with warmth, you are putting the guidance of this verse into practice, whether in the cereal aisle or at the school gate. 

Prophetic Example 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 2341, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.’ 

This concise and powerful principle is perfectly suited to this situation. Seeking laughs in a way that frightens or annoys others can be a form of harm. Teaching a child to switch to a whispered joke, a polite greeting, or a shared family signal fulfils the Sunnah by removing a potential harm and replacing it with a benefit. 

Putting Faith into Practice 

Before entering busy places, you can make a small du‘a: ‘O Allah, make our words gentle and our presence a mercy.’ In the moment of misbehaviour, lower your voice, guide your child’s body gently, and offer a positive alternative. Afterwards, thank Allah Almighty for any small progress. Over time, your child will learn that the sweetest laughs are those that keep hearts safe, honouring neighbours and strangers alike. This is the foundation of real confidence, the kind that carries ihsan (excellence) into every interaction.