What language invites my child to express how they want to be made whole? 

Parenting Perspective 

When you have made a mistake and are working to repair the situation, it is important to invite your child into the process of emotional healing. Asking them what would help them feel better shows respect for their feelings and gives them an opportunity to be heard. This approach empowers them to express their needs in a healthy way, fostering communication and emotional intelligence. 

Use Open and Empathetic Language 

The key is to use language that is gentle, open, and non-pressuring. Let your child know that you are genuinely interested in understanding their emotional needs and that their feelings are valid. 

You could say: ‘I know I hurt you, and I want to make it right. How can I help you feel better?’ 

This phrasing shows empathy and invites your child to take the lead in expressing what they need to heal, affirming that you are open to listening and understanding. 

Create a Safe Space for Expression 

Sometimes, a child may not immediately know what would make them feel better. It is important to create a space where they feel safe to think and share without feeling rushed. Reassure them that whatever they say is acceptable. 

You might say: ‘I want to make sure you are okay. If there is something I can do, please let me know. I am here to listen.’ 

This allows your child to feel that they can express their needs freely, without judgment or expectation, and it signals that you care deeply about their emotional well-being. 

Be Patient and Non-Defensive 

When you invite your child to express their needs, it is crucial to remain patient and non-defensive in your response. Even if their request feels challenging, this is a moment for growth and deepening trust. 

You could say: ‘I may not fully understand what you are feeling, but I truly want to hear you. Please tell me what you need.’ 

This approach shows humility and a willingness to accept that you may not have all the answers, but you are open to learning from your child. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, acknowledging our wrongs and seeking to make amends is not just a sign of personal growth but also a means of improving our relationship with Allah Almighty. Inviting your child to express their needs for healing demonstrates care and reinforces the importance of listening with empathy. 

Our Capacity for Empathy and Repair 

The noble Quran reassures us that we have been given the capacity to handle difficult emotional situations. Part of this capacity is the ability to repair our relationships through understanding and empathy. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘ Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…’ 

This verse is a reminder that we are capable of navigating the repair process with grace and compassion. 

The Virtue of Kindness in Relationships 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ reinforce the idea that our character is best judged by how we treat others, especially with love and mercy. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 5379, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are the best in their dealings with others, and the ones who are most loving and merciful.’ 

This hadith highlights the importance of mending relationships with kindness. By asking your child how they would like to heal, you are putting this principle into practice, showing mercy, and seeking to restore harmony in a way that is deeply encouraged in Islam.