What is the best way to resolve tension when a child says one parent is ‘too strict’ and the other is ‘too soft’ about devices? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child starts labelling one parent as ‘too strict’ and the other as ‘too soft,’ it is usually a clear sign of inconsistency in the family’s approach to rules. Children are highly perceptive and may use this division as leverage to get what they want, creating tension not only between parent and child but also between the parents themselves. The most effective response is to reduce this inconsistency and present a united front, showing the child that both parents are aligned in their care and intentions. 

Acknowledge the Child’s Frustration 

Begin by calmly acknowledging their feelings in a non-defensive tone. You could say: ‘I can understand why you feel our approaches are different, and that must be confusing for you.’ This validates their perspective, helps them to feel heard, and keeps the conversation calm and constructive. 

Agree on a Shared Approach as Parents 

It is essential for parents to discuss device rules privately, away from the children. Even if your personal opinions differ, it is crucial to agree on a single, balanced approach that you can both support. When a child sees a united front, rather than a contradiction, it reduces their ability to pit one parent against the other. 

Explain Differences With Wisdom 

If your rules genuinely do differ in certain situations (for example, one parent allows a little extra time on weekends while the other is stricter on weekdays), explain this to your child as an intentional balance, not a contradiction. This helps the child to see that the family’s boundaries are thoughtful and planned, rather than random or unfair. 

Reframe Parents as Complementary 

Help your child to see that both parenting styles bring value to the family. You can explain that one parent’s approach might focus more on discipline and structure, while the other’s might focus on freedom and flexibility. Together, these create a healthy balance. This helps them to view your parenting as a joint expression of love, not as a source of conflict. 

By reinforcing your unity and explaining your boundaries with clarity and wisdom, parents can turn accusations of being ‘too strict’ or ‘too soft’ into a valuable lesson on balance and teamwork. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that both compassion and discipline are essential elements of parenting, and that true wisdom lies in maintaining a healthy balance between them. It is crucial for parents to support one another with mercy and to avoid showing any division in front of their children. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 286: 

‘Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…’ 

This principle reminds us that our rules for our children must be set with balance. They should not be so overwhelmingly strict that they become a burden, nor so lenient that they become harmful. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6125, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make them difficult, give glad tidings and do not drive people away.’ 

This teaching encourages a path of moderation and ease in our dealings. It guides us to avoid extremes in either direction, whether that be excessive strictness or complete laxity. 

By grounding their parenting in this principle of balance, parents can help their children understand that the family’s rules are not about one parent being ‘too strict’ and the other ‘too soft.’ Instead, they are about building responsibility and trust in a way that protects, nurtures, and guides them towards becoming well-rounded individuals.