Parenting Perspective 

When a promise that affects school or friendship plans is missed, the way you correct it should reflect the significance of the commitment. Correcting this situation proportionately means acknowledging the harm caused, taking responsibility, and offering a solution that reflects the seriousness of the missed promise. The goal is not only to restore trust but to teach your child that keeping promises is an important value. 

Acknowledge the Missed Promise and Its Impact 

Start by acknowledging the mistake and the effect it has had on your child. Whether it is about missing a school event or a playdate, your child may feel disappointed. 

• What to say: Expressing genuine understanding of how your missed promise affected them shows that you recognise their feelings. For example, you could say, ‘I realise I promised we would go to your school event today, and I see how upsetting it is that I could not keep my promise. I am really sorry for letting you down.’ 

Apologise and Take Responsibility 

A sincere apology is essential in showing your child that you take responsibility for your actions. Avoid excuses that could undermine your child’s feelings. 

• What to say: Instead of saying, ‘I could not make it because I was too busy,’ you can say, ‘I missed our plans, and that was my responsibility. I am sorry for disappointing you.’ By taking full accountability, you teach your child that mistakes should be owned up to. 

Offer a Concrete Solution or Make Amends 

The next step is to offer a concrete solution or alternative. If the missed promise involved something specific, offer an alternative that shows you are committed to making it right. 

• What to do: If the plan involved a playdate, you could say, ‘I know you were really looking forward to it. How about I set up a new time to make it happen? I will make sure we keep that plan this time.’ 

Set up Preventative Measures for the Future 

To help prevent similar situations, consider discussing how to avoid missing commitments. This may involve better time management or clearer communication. 

• What to say: You could say, ‘I will set a reminder for our plans next time, so I do not forget. I will also make sure I do not make plans unless I am sure I can keep them.’ This teaches your child that responsibility involves not only correcting mistakes but also preventing them. 

Reaffirm Trust and Responsibility 

Finally, reaffirm your commitment to being reliable. Remind your child that while mistakes happen, it is important to always strive to keep promises. Emphasise that you value their trust and that you are actively working to be someone they can rely on. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Capacity for Growth and Healing 

The noble Quran reminds us that Allah understands our limitations and challenges. When promises are missed, it is a part of life, but Allah gives us the strength to make amends. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘ Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…’ 

It is important to teach your child that what truly matters is how we deal with those mistakes and the efforts we put into making things right. 

The Importance of Keeping Promises 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ tell us the importance of keeping promises and being reliable. It highlights that breaking promises can lead to a breakdown of trust. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 5021, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The signs of a hypocrite are three: when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise, he breaks it; and when he is entrusted, he betrays his trust.’ 

For children, it is an opportunity to learn that integrity and trustworthiness are essential traits. By correcting a missed promise with sincerity, we demonstrate the value of honouring our word, as prescribed by the Prophet ﷺ.