What is a fair rule for playful roasting so no one becomes the target? 

Parenting Perspective 

Playful roasting is something that many siblings experiment with. A witty remark, a silly exaggeration, or a light-hearted jab can sometimes make everyone laugh. However, when the roasting begins to focus repeatedly on one sibling, it stops being playful and can become a form of unfair targeting. The child on the receiving end may feel humiliated or ganged up on, while the others may insist, ‘We are only joking.’ The solution lies in setting clear and fair rules that keep the play safe, balanced, and respectful. 

Define the Line Between Fun and Harm 

Children need to have clarity about what is and is not acceptable. You can explain, “Roasting is only fun when everyone laughs, and that includes the person being roasted. If someone looks upset, it is no longer a joke; it has become unkind.” This helps your children to understand that their intention is not enough; the impact of their words must also be considered. 

Introduce the “Take Turns” Rule 

One fair approach is to ensure that no single person becomes the repeated target of the jokes. A simple rule can be, “If you are going to roast, it must go around the circle. We do not focus on just one person again and again.” This prevents one sibling from being singled out and helps to make the roasting feel like a part of shared play, rather than a form of bullying. 

Teach the “One and Done” Rule 

Even when you are taking turns, repetition on the same topic can begin to sting. A useful rule is, “One roast on a topic is allowed, but then we must move on.” This helps to keep the humour quick and light, without it feeling like you are piling on. If a child feels tempted to keep going, you can simply remind them, “One and done.” 

Give Children the Right to Opt Out 

The principle of consent is key. You can teach your siblings to say, “Stop, I do not like that one.” It must then be a firm family rule that once someone has opted out, everyone must respect their wishes immediately. This shows your children that play is only truly fun if everyone is agreeing to it. 

Offer Alternatives to Roasting 

You can encourage your children to use forms of humour that unite them rather than divide them. Silly rhymes, funny voices, or shared inside jokes can be great replacements for put-downs. This shows your children that humour can be sharp without being cruel, and clever without being cutting. 

A Mini-Dialogue Example 

Child A: ‘Those are nice dance moves… for a robot that has run out of batteries.’ 

Child B: (laughs a little, but then frowns) 

Parent: ‘It looks like the fun has stopped. Remember our rule: if they are not laughing, it is not roasting; it is hurting.’ 

Child A: ‘Okay. I will stop.’ 

Parent: ‘That is a good choice. Humour should make everyone feel a part of the fun, not singled out.’ 

By setting these clear boundaries, you can teach your children that respect is not the opposite of humour; it is what makes humour safe. These rules help to keep their play balanced and prevent their laughter from becoming a weapon. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam allows for laughter and light-heartedness, but never at the cost of another person’s honour or dignity. 

No Humour at the Expense of Dignity 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This verse firmly prohibits ridicule in any form. Teaching this to our children shows them that Islam makes no room for targeting others, even in jest. A fair rule for roasting, then, is one where the humour never slips into humiliation, and everyone’s dignity is always protected. 

The Prophet’s Example of Clean Humour 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1990, that the companions said to the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, “You joke with us.” He replied: 

‘Indeed, but I only speak the truth.’ 

This Hadith shows that joking in Islam is encouraged, but only when it is truthful, kind, and completely free from any form of belittlement. Parents can use this to explain to their children, “Our jokes should be like the Prophet’s ﷺ jokes: funny, but never hurtful.” 

By connecting your children’s humour to their faith, they can learn that playful roasting is only acceptable when it is fair, light, and kind. They can begin to see that rules like “take turns,” “one and done,” and “stop when asked” are not just your family’s boundaries but are also a reflection of beautiful Islamic values.