Parenting Perspective 

The friction caused by differing sibling energy levels is often a clash of nervous systems, not an indication of deliberate defiance or bad behaviour. One child may naturally recharge through vigorous motion and sound, whilst the other seeks restoration through stillness and order. Instead of resorting to labels such as ‘wild’ or ‘boring’, parents should frame the issue as a difference in needs: ‘You both have different speeds, and both are completely acceptable.’ This language validates the child’s identity, making them more willing to adjust and cooperate with one another. 

Seeing the Difference, Not the Defiance 

• Validate their Nature: A child who feels fully accepted in their inherent temperament is significantly more likely to compromise for their sibling. 

• Neutral Language: Use descriptive terms like ‘fast energy’ and ‘slow energy’ instead of judgmental language. 

Create Energy Zones to Prevent Collision 

Structured physical space often serves as the most effective peacemaker. Parents should divide their common area into two distinctly labelled zones: 

• Active Zone: This area is designated for physical release, such as loud play, music, or vigorous activity. 

• Calm Zone: This space is equipped for quiet, restorative activities, such as reading, art, or solitary time. 

The zones must be visually labelled so the rules are concrete. During periods of high-energy play, set clear time boundaries (for example, fifteen minutes of full freedom) followed by a designated soft cooldown activity. For the quieter sibling, ensure the Calm Zone contains comforting items, such as headphones, soft textures, or a favourite corner. The objective is not isolation but providing children with the tools they require to regulate their own emotions and energy before re-entering the shared family space. 

Teaching Mutual Respect through Scripts 

Friction is naturally reduced when children possess the ability to communicate their needs clearly without shouting or confrontation. Parents should provide each sibling with short, pre-rehearsed phrases for use during conflict: 

• For the High-Energy Child: ‘I will turn the volume down a bit.’ 

• For the Quiet Child: ‘I require some calm right now.’ 

Incorporating a gentle non-verbal cue (such as two taps on the arm or a specific hand signal) can help de-escalate the situation further. These scripts must be practised during calm periods, perhaps as a role-play game, so they become automatic reflexes under stress. Immediate praise must follow when a parent observes the scripts being used effectively: ‘That was respectful communication; you solved the problem without raising your voices.’ Repetition solidifies this positive behaviour. 

Balancing Fairness with Individual Needs 

Children often misunderstand fairness as being the same, which quickly leads to resentment. Parents must clearly articulate that fairness means everyone receives what they need to function well, not identical privileges. The energetic child may genuinely require outdoor breaks, whilst the quiet one may require alone time. A key strategy is to rotate leadership fairly: one child chooses the active game today, and the other selects the quiet activity tomorrow. This rotation prevents the louder sibling from dominating and ensures the quieter child feels their preferences are afforded equal weight. 

Parents should allow the physical environment to support the rules, instead of relying solely on their voice. Separate play materials, a small timer for turns, and clear schedules displayed on a family board are examples of physical systems that effectively reduce the volume of emotional arguments. 

Repairing Quickly After Friction 

Clashes are an inevitable part of sibling life, but the subsequent repair process is what builds resilience. Parents should use a simple three-step sequence: 

1. Acknowledge: ‘You both wanted different things at exactly the same moment.’ 

2. Reset: Encourage a brief pause, such as taking deep breaths, drinking water, or spending thirty seconds apart. 

3. Re-enter: Agree on one small joint plan, for example: ‘You may race your cars here while your sister colours over there.’ 

After peace returns, offer joint praise: ‘You both managed to work it out and remain kind; that is genuine teamwork.’ When the process of repair is normalised, lingering guilt and grudges do not take root. Siblings eventually learn that their love is stronger than temporary disagreement, and that harmony can be intentionally rebuilt every day. 

Spiritual Insight 

Unity Through Mercy and Understanding 

The spiritual instruction in the Quran provides a direct framework for managing sibling relationships and fostering genuine understanding. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

This verse establishes that believers are bound by faith first, overriding differences in temperament. When parents help their children reconcile after a conflict, they are performing a sacred form of peacemaking that is beloved to Allah Almighty. Teaching siblings to pause, listen, and seek harmony prepares them for the wider Muslim community (ummah), where personalities differ widely but faith provides unity. Every peaceful resolution between siblings reflects this divine command towards mercy and reconciliation. 

The Value of Fairness and Emotional Balance 

Justice (adl) amongst children is not about identical treatment but about ensuring emotional balance, meaning equal dignity, attention, and safety for both. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 4699, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be just and fair in your children’s gifts, just as you would like them to be just towards you in kindness and respect.’ 

When a parent mediates sibling friction with fairness, they demonstrate that love in Islam is principled, not preferential. Both children learn that the home is governed by justice, not by dominance or by making the most noise. By honouring their unique energies whilst consistently upholding boundaries of respect, parents nurture siblings who learn to view difference not as a source of competition but as a valuable contribution. Over time, each child learns that true peace is a quality built daily through fairness, self-awareness, and a shared commitment to love one another for the sake of Allah Almighty.