What helps when relatives criticise how we celebrate food traditions? 

Parenting Perspective 

When relatives criticise your family’s way of celebrating food traditions—whether for being “too simple,” “too modern,” or “not how it used to be”—your response becomes a powerful lesson for your children. These moments can easily turn joyful occasions into tense ones, but how you handle the critique teaches your child about dignity, identity, and the importance of maintaining love within the family. The goal is not to win an argument, but to model a quiet confidence that is rooted in grace. 

Teach Empathy and Bridge the Divide 

After the moment has passed, have a private conversation with your child to help them process what happened. Explain that criticism, especially from elders, often comes from a place of love for the past, not from a place of hostility. 

You could say, ‘Sometimes when older relatives see things changing, it can make them feel a little sad because they are remembering what those traditions meant to them in their youth. Their comments are a way of holding on to those precious memories’. This reframes the situation, helping your child to develop empathy rather than resentment. 

Maintain Boundaries with Grace 

While empathy is important, it is also crucial to protect your immediate family’s peace. Family gatherings should not become arenas for debate or constant justification. Your dinner table should be a sanctuary of warmth and respect. You can maintain this boundary by politely redirecting conversations that become too critical. 

Compliment elders on their memories and experiences, and then gently but clearly state your own position: ‘We are so grateful for the traditions you have passed down, and we are trying our best to carry them forward in our own way’. Afterwards, make sure to praise your child for their good manners and for staying kind and calm during a difficult moment. Over time, they will learn that true cultural strength is not about rigidity, but about a quiet and rooted confidence. When they see you handle critique with grace, they will internalise that family honour lies not in demanding perfection from others, but in demonstrating beautiful manners (adab) that preserve love even in disagreement. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, navigating difficult family dynamics is not just a social challenge; it is a profound spiritual test. Criticism from relatives, especially during blessed occasions, is an opportunity to practice some of the most cherished virtues of our faith: humility, peace, and self-control, all for the sake of Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqan (25), Verse 63: 

‘And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth humbly, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say [words of] peace…’ 

This beautiful verse provides a divine blueprint for responding to criticism. It teaches us that as servants of Al-Rahman (the Most Merciful), our primary characteristic should be mercy, especially towards those who may be harsh with us. Responding to a critical comment with ‘words of peace’ (salam) is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of immense spiritual strength.  

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:  

‘The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in a state of anger.’ 

This hadith redefines strength, moving it from the physical realm to the spiritual. True strength is self-mastery. When you remain composed in the face of family criticism, you are not only living this Sunnah, but you are also teaching your children that preserving love is more important than being right. This self-control is essential for maintaining family ties (silat ar-rahim), a sacred duty in Islam. By choosing restraint over retaliation, you are actively protecting this bond for the sake of Allah. Encourage your child to pray silently for harmony during tense moments.