What helps when a child tosses blame to the quiet sibling every time? 

Parenting Perspective 

In many families, it is common for one child to be more outspoken while another tends to be quieter. When conflicts arise, the more vocal child may repeatedly place the blame on their quieter sibling, often knowing they are less likely to defend themselves. This pattern can be harmful to both children: the quiet one feels unfairly accused, while the outspoken one develops habits of dishonesty and avoidance. Your role as a parent is to protect fairness, help the quiet child find their voice, and guide the other towards honesty and responsibility. 

Understand Why the Blame Is Tossed 

The child who is quick to blame often does so for a reason. 

• They may feel it is an easy way to avoid consequences. 

• They might assume that their quiet sibling will not challenge them. 

• They have not yet developed empathy for how it feels to be unfairly blamed. 

Recognising these motives helps you to address the root of the behaviour, not just the surface-level action. 

Protect the Quiet Sibling’s Voice 

Make it clear in your home that every child will be heard. You can say: ‘I am going to hear from each of you in turn. Everyone’s voice matters in this family.’ Gently encourage the quiet sibling to share their version of events, without interruption. Over time, this builds their confidence and shows them that you will protect their right to be heard. 

Teach the Other Child Accountability 

Explain to the blaming child that constantly pointing the finger at others damages trust. You could say: ‘When you always point at your sibling, it makes it very hard for me to believe you. I respect you much more when you take responsibility for your own part in what happened.’ 

Focus on Solutions, Not Scapegoats 

When conflicts happen, shift the conversation away from, ‘Who started it?’ and towards, ‘How can we fix this together?’ Both siblings should take part in the repair, whether it is cleaning a mess, returning a toy, or making amends with kind words. This keeps the responsibility shared and helps to stop the cycle of unfair targeting. 

Praise Fairness and Courage 

When the child who is quick to blame finally admits their part, praise them for their courage: ‘Thank you for being honest just then. That helps me to trust you more.’ And when the quiet sibling speaks up, affirm their voice: ‘I am so glad you told me what happened. Your words are very important.’ 

Mini Dialogue Example 

Child 1: ‘It was him! He did it!’ 

Parent: ‘I want to hear from each of you. Let’s start with you, and then your brother can have a turn to speak.’ 

Child 2 (quietly): ‘…I did not do it.’ 

Parent: ‘Thank you for telling me. And to you (Child 1), I need you to tell me your part in this honestly. Blaming someone else does not help us to fix things.’ 

Child 1: ‘…It was me. I knocked it over.’ 

Parent: ‘Thank you for owning your mistake. That was brave. Now, let’s all clean it up together.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great emphasis on justice and fairness, especially when we are speaking about other people. Teaching children not to scapegoat their sibling is a reflection of the Quranic value of truth and the prophetic teaching of fairness within the family. 

Speak Justly, Even About Family 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verse 152: 

‘…And whenever you speak then (speak with) justice, even though (such words may act against the interests) of your close relatives…’ 

This verse can be simplified for a child: ‘Allah tells us that we must always be fair when we speak, even when we are talking about our own family. We must never blame someone unfairly, not even a brother or a sister.’ 

Fairness Is a Sign of True Brotherhood 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 4995, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the people are safe, and the believer is the one who is trusted with the lives and wealth of the people.’ 

For siblings, the meaning of this is clear: ‘Your brother or sister should always feel safe from your words. Blaming them unfairly is not keeping them safe, but telling the truth is a way of protecting them.’ 

By linking the concept of fairness to their faith, children learn that honesty is not just about avoiding punishment, but about living as trustworthy Muslims. Over time, the outspoken child will learn that true strength lies in telling the truth, while the quiet sibling will feel protected, valued, and encouraged to speak.