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What helps in the moment when my child embarrasses me in front of others, and I feel rage bubbling inside? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding the Reaction 

When your child throws a tantrum in public, talks back loudly, or behaves in ways that draw unwanted attention, the surge of shame and fury can feel almost unbearable. It is not just the actions; it is also those watching, the presumptions, and the pressure to be a good parent. The natural tendency in those situations is to forcefully suppress the child, not for their benefit, but rather to preserve your reputation. 

A Three-Second Pause for Dignity 

Public humiliation, however, is a parenting opportunity rather than a parenting emergency. Hold off on responding for three seconds. Put a kind touch on your child’s shoulder or look them in the eye firmly and calmly, and then say, We will discuss this in private. Remove them if needed, but do not discipline publicly. Private correction protects both your and their dignity. 

Separating Your Identity from Their Behaviour 

The key is to separate your identity from their moment of dysregulation. Your reputation is not being attacked because your child is not doing well. They are still developing their ability to manage strong emotions in unpredictable situations. And it is how you handle the moment, not how you control it, that demonstrates your true strength.

 Click below to discover meaningful books that nurture strong values in your child and support you on your parenting journey:

Spiritual Insight 

Your patience may be put to the test by your child’s public behaviour, but keep in mind that Allah Almighty observes your intentions and your self-control. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aal-i-Imran (3), Verse 134: 

Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent. “

In that very moment, when your anger flares and humiliation stings, choosing restraint becomes an act of goodness that Allah Almighty loves. It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4186, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

Whoever restrains his anger when he is able to implement it, Allah Almighty will call him before all of creation on the Day of Resurrection. 

Even when people misinterpret you, Allah Almighty is aware of your difficulties. Have faith that you are not wasting your restraint. Keep in mind that you are a guide, not a performer. You are raising your children for the joy of the One who sees every moment, both visible and invisible, not for the admiration of others. 

Click below to discover meaningful books that nurture strong values in your child and support you on your parenting journey:

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